Page 84 of Barbed Wire Fences
What he means to say is that he doesn’t want to fuck other people anymore now that he’s gotten them out of his system.
Though his words might have stirred butterflies in my stomach two months ago, a realization of the safety of returning to the world I’d once known, a world where I’d envisioned a future, marriage, and a family with Christopher, a lot has changed since I left Virginia.
My self-confidence and worth have grown, and I’ve realized that waiting around for Christopher to figure out what he wants isn’t whatI want at all.
I understand the quest for self-discovery, especially when you find your partner young. But after being with Rhett, someone who’s proclaimed he would never share me with anyone if I were his, someone who has told me flat out thathe wants me, someone I met when I was young and fumbling through life but never held that against me. Someone who has always had my back and never judged my past. Well, I know I deserve that kind of love. Not one that isn’t sure.
As if he thinks I’m considering his offer, Christopher speaks again.
“Come back home with me, please. Your floor manager asked me to talk to you when I came down to visit. They’re desperate for support back in the Richmond ICU and she can get you out of your contract here early. Give us a chance to see how things are if you go back to Richmond and we live in the same city. Let’s go back to the way things used to be. The way things were between us before we split up.”
I want to laugh, because the way things used to be was never what Rhett and I have now. There was never any burning passion or desire. I didn’t feel protected, adored andconsidered.
Frankly, I didn’t feel safe.
I respect my manager back at the hospital. She’s the one who hired me when I was fresh out of college, and if she wants me to come back a week early, I’ll consider it because it’s not a professional relationship that I’d want to lose over a week of work. But I don’t respect Christopher or the way this conversation is going, and I’d need to hear it from my boss herself and not through a third-party messenger.
I take a deep breath and don’t hesitate when I say. “I’ve met someone new.”
He tilts back in the booth like I’ve slapped him. “What?”
I nod. “Yes.”
“Is it the guy you were with last night?”
I don’t even know why he bothers asking. He saw us kiss. We both know he did. And the audacity of him of all people to show up here and talk about putting our engagement back on after witnessing that? It’s like a neon sign flashing how far apart wereally are when it comes to honesty, fidelity, and what loyalty and trust actually means in a relationship.
“Yes. It was him. His name is Rhett, remember?”
His brows bunch. “Is it casual?”
I shake my head because though I’m not sure how Rhett feels, it doesn’t feel casual to me.
“No.”
“I… I see.”
I nod because that’s all that Christopher needs to know. There’s no point in bringing him into the details of what’s between Rhett and me. What’salwaysbeen between Rhett and me. It’s none of his business. I’m none of Christopher’s business anymore. And that thought has me smiling.
“Okay, well I’m going to go then,” he points over his shoulder, looking awkward as hell. And because I can’t stop thinking about Rhett and what we have, I smile harder.
“That sounds like a good idea.”
Chapter 27 - Jael
Later that night…
After my early meal with Christopher, I head back to the motel, ready to change and go find Rhett. My stomach is a mess of nerves and caffeine. I know we need a serious conversation, but I also need to tell him everything that’s sitting heavy on my chest. To lay it all out and see what he wants. To beg him to try long distance or…something. I’m not even sure what, only that I don’t want to walk away without trying again.
But all of that crumbles when my phone buzzes with my old boss’s name. My gut sinks. Christopher must’ve already said something to her.
“What are the chances I can convince you to come back now?” her voice crackles through the line and I can hear the beeping of machines in the background telling me she’s at the hospital right now.
“Um…” My fingers fumble with the strap of the dress I just slipped on. It’s a green one, Rhett’s favorite on me. She must hear the hesitation in my silence.
“I’ll give you extra money,” she rushes on. “We’ll pay you out for the week you’re losing at Whitewood Creek too.”
Well, damn.
