Page 29 of Barbed Wire Fences
“I’ve heard that before.”
“What about you? Are you currently seeing anyone?”
“No, I’m not...” my voice trails off as my mind drifts back to Christopher and our broken engagement.
“Oh, sounds like there’s a story there,” she says as she props her elbows up on the island and drops her chin into her palms. “Tell me more.”
I blow out a puff of air and straighten my shorts even though they are fitting just fine. “I was engaged a few months ago to someone I’d been dating for a while. Christopher and I met at the hospital we both worked at in Richmond. He was doing rotations for Nurse Practitioner school when we met, and I was training in the ICU there.” I shake my head softly. “We were together for five years, engaged for just three months when out of nowhere, six months ago, he asked to take a break from our engagement and see other people.”
I take a sip of my beer as Lainey’s eyes narrow.
“What the hell does ‘take a break from your engagement’ even mean?”
I shrug, but the motion feels heavy. “That’s exactly what I asked him. He said it was anindefinitebreak, which is basically just a breakup in softer words. His reasoning was that we’d been together so long, since our early twenties, that we’d never really explored our options or figured out if we were what we both truly wanted. So, his grand solution was to call off the engagement, date other people, and then maybe in a year or so reevaluate whether we still wanted each other.”
She snorts. “Translation: he wants to screw around without guilt before deciding if he’ll settle down with you.”
I let out a long sigh, because that’s exactly how it sounded to me at first, too. And honestly, judging by what my old coworkers have texted me, that’s exactly what he’s been doing.
I’ve had to swallow the truth that I just wasn’t the one for him, but God, it would’ve been so much easier if he’d just said thatoutright instead of dressing it up in cryptic, confusing bullshit leaving the door slightly cracked like he may want me back.
The good news is I decided months ago that no matter what he wants, I don’t want him back.
“Yeah, I know. It’s embarrassing, honestly.”
“But y’all work together still? Isn’t that… weird?”
“After he blindsided me with ending our engagement, I decided to start taking traveling nursing gigs so I wouldn’t have to see him around. I figured it’d be easier for the transition back to single status and give me some time to heal from what we had for the past five years.”
“So has he been dating?” she presses.
“Yeah… a few of my friends in the emergency room have texted me to let me know they’ve heard he's been hooking up with quite a few of my coworkers at the hospital.”
She nods, listening to my words closely. “So, have you been dating too?”
“I haven’t had the time or desire to, and his request for space came as a total shock. I wasn't interested in exploring my options. I was ready to settle down and start a life with him. But I also know that I deserve way better than a guy who is hot and cold about me.” I sigh and run my fingers through my long hair lazily. “Lately, I've been starting to feel like I should get back out there. Christopher has obviously moved on, and I need to too.”
She nods. “Absolutely. You need to go on your own version ofEat, Pray, Love,but instead just fuck a bunch of guys to remind you that they aren’t all dicks. Get your world rocked by some mammoth, monster cock. You were with the same guy for five years and he’s out doing who knows what with whoever now! That’s crazy, Jael. You’re a total catch and he’s acting like you’renothing. Clearly, he’s not holding out for that evaluation in one year. And neither should you.”
I sigh again because I know she’s right. It’s not like I’ve been completely celibate these past six months, but I’ve been mostly keeping to myself, trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I’m single again. Where do I even start? I’m out of touch with the dating scene, clearly misread my own intuition by saying yes to a date with Owen last week, and app dating just sounds… daunting.
Plus, being vulnerable with someone emotionally is the scariest part. I’ve done that only twice in my life, and each time has been a colossal failure.
Before I can respond, a voice booms from the front door of the home as Lark, Rhett and three more guys wearingWhitewood Creek Plumbinggear barrel into the kitchen to join us.
“Hello, my beautiful wife,” Lark says making a beeline straight for Lainey. He kisses her passionately like none of us exist and it only drives the knife deeper in my chest that I am painfully alone. “Jael, wow, it sure as hell is good to see you again. Can’t say I ever thought you’d be back after you tore out of here ten years ago.”
I wince at his words as my eyes shift to Rhett, who’s shaking his head and trying not to laugh. At least someone has a sense of humor about how I left town.
“Night hasn’t even started and you’re already putting your foot in your mouth, daddy,” Lainey says, patting Lark’s chest affectionately. “Let’s get the food and drinks set-up in the living room so we can start getting drunk and playing some games. I’m going to take these snacks up to the kids,” she says as she turns and heads upstairs.
The guys grab the beer and food while I carry a tray of vegetables, following them to the living room but I don’t make it far when I see another familiar face walking into the kitchen.
“Oh my god, Molly?” I gasp, barely getting the words out before she steps forward, that wide, infectious grin spreading across her face as she pulls me into the strongest hug I’ve had in years. Her raven-black hair spills down her back, longer than it ever was when we were younger, and her blue eyes sparkle like she’s carrying light I didn’t even realize I needed.
Molly came from the same rough part of town I did, with just as broken of a family and just as many reasons to run, and yet somehow, she looks steadier than I feel. Like life hasn’t managed to beat her down the way it did me. Like she found a way to make peace with the ghosts that still keep me up at night.
It’s overwhelming, the way her arms wrap tight around me, her happiness radiating out of her like the sun itself. Something in me cracks under the weight of it, and suddenly my eyes are stinging, blurring, and I’m swallowing hard against a sob I didn’t know had been waiting for a chance to claw its way out.
