Page 24 of Your Coffin or Mine
I meant Idk why I’m friends with you.
Burnie:
Easy, because I drink and I know things. Now go away and start operation get the dick. Love u.
Me:
Idk what I’m doing. How do you even do that???
I chew nervously on my nails, waiting for her to reply. How does hot vacation sex even happen?
Burnie:
. . .
Burnie:
There are condoms in the coin pocket of your carry-on. Grab one and go roam the halls in pajamas and be your cute self. He will do the rest. If he doesn’t, call me.
Me:
I cannot believe you.
Burnie:
You love me.
Me:
This is stupid. Love you too.
Burnie:
It is not stupid, it’s foolproof. Go go go!
Snorting with laughter, I head into the bathroom to run a bath, pulling out my top knot as I go. The thought of Vlad giving me orgasms has my downstairs tingling, but he will have to lose the attitude, or I’ll be finding a way to avoid him the rest of the week.
My phone vibrates and I grab it from where I left it on the bed, my anxiety instantly going through the roof as I stare at the screen. I groan inwardly and press the notification.
It’s a pic of Chad posing for the camera on the beach with the words “forgive me” laid out in seashells and he’s wearing a stupid pout on his face. “Ugh.”
Comments explode with women from all over the world sending hearts and water emojis almost instantly. The overall consensus seems to be I’m a garden utensil that really likes trouser snakes.
“Little do they know he couldn’t possibly be a bigger douche canoe.”
God, this is so like him. He fucks up and then does something sweet like this bullshit, and every single time I forgive him.Well, not anymore, Chad.
I grin up at the camera and snap a selfie, making sure to get most of the room in the photo with me. The suite has a huge gothic poster bed that is unreal and a bay window overlooking the countryside. The photo also happens to scream I’m not even in the country.
“You’re a mean one, Mister Grinch,” I hum as I add hashtags to the post: #castles #snowywonderland #travel.
And posted.Suck on that, Chad.
My first vacation alone in my life, and I meet the grumpiest, hottest man in the world. Making my way to the bathroom, I scroll through the pictures I took of Vlad, including the ones he didn’t know I took, and grin. Even in the photos he looks hungry and downright sensual.
Hot vacation sex? Yes please. Besides, I haven’t had sex in months. Between the stress of planning a wedding and covering the groom’s mistakes, it’s hard to pop a lady boner. My sex drive is more than healthy, I just couldn’t stomach sex with Chad at the time, which is hilarious since he blamedmefor him cheating.
I wonder if some sexy time will make Mr. Stick-up-his-ass less grumpy?Like a public service? God, I’m officially an idiot if that’s my reasoning.
