Page 214 of Snowbound Surrender
Someone tapped on her shoulder. “So, you are the Czarina, are you?”
Maxim’s heartwas hardly beating, and he knew that because it was in his mouth. It had almost given out after he had forced Éduard’s horse to gallop far faster than it was able, and he had almost fallen over dismounting and rushing into St. James’ Court.
This was it. This was the moment he could win Annika back.
Did he deserve her? Probably not. Ever since she had stormed out of his bed chamber, he had gone over and over every word they had exchanged, and now in the cold light of day, could find little wrong with it.
He had behaved despicably, but he had to try. He would always wonder why.
He swallowed, and repeated, “So, you are the Czarina, are you?”
Annika was staring, and her father behind her was glaring in a most unpleasant manner.
“What do you want, you cad?” Sir Thomas spoke quietly, evidently unwilling to create a crowd, but his words were venomous. “Please leave my daughter alone.”
Maxim’s eyes moved to Annika, who was blushing.
“I am no Czarina, sir,” she said calmly, her gaze not leaving him. “I believe one must marry a Czar for that.”
Was there warmth in those words, or just shock? Maxim could not tell, and he had little opportunity to discern her expression as she grabbed his arm and pulled him away from her father towards a corner of the room. Christmas decorations filled most of it, but she was able to force him away from everyone else before she hissed.
“What are you doing here?”
“Happy Christmas,” Maxim said weakly. What was the matter with him? He had had this all planned out, all agreed internally, and now he was standing before her, his legs were jelly and his mouth had no ability to speak coherently.
Annika rolled her eyes. “That is not helpful, Maxim. You know what I mean.”
He sighed, dropping his gaze, and finding it immediately resting on her delectable form. His eyes snapped back to her face. “I know what you meant. I am sorry, it is just…I have not done this much before?”
Curiosity shone in her face. “What, exactly?”
“Apologised,” he said blandly. Why was his voice shaking? “I…I needed you to know that I will always regret losing you all my life. Even more so than losing the Czardom.”
It was impossible to tell whether his words were having any impact. She was certainly still standing before him, and had notslapped him yet. Surely that was a good sign? Did she, perhaps, want him as much as he wanted her?
“I could not live with myself,” he said in a low voice, “not trying again. To see whether it would be possible for…for you to forgive me.”
Maxim held his breath. His entire future, his potential happiness, was resting on the response Annika now gave him.
It did not appear that he would be made happy. Annika’s forehead had puckered into a frown, and her arms had folded before her.
“I do not know why I should,” she said quietly, her voice steely. “You were not completely honest with me, and I in turn was not entirely honest with you. Perhaps…perhaps it would be best for both of us if we do not see each other again. You are not in Kent often. It should not be too difficult.”
Any hope Maxim had of reconciliation, perhaps even a stolen kiss, disappeared. Éduard had not warned him about this horrendous sinking feeling, when one realised that the love of your life was willing to go the rest of her days without laying eyes on you.
“I am not willing to give up,” he found himself saying, all his pent up fears pouring from him. “We have experienced too much, shared too much, just to ignore how we feel about each other, Annika.”
“Oh?” She raised an eyebrow. “And how do we feel about each other?”
Maxim swallowed and looked around the room. There was no one too close to them, no one who could overhear him. But this was a statement he had never made before, and when it came to speaking it aloud, his courage failed him.
“I was wrong, and I apologise,” he said instead, hating himself for being such a coward. “I was…surprised, shall we say, by your admission. That surprise does not make my reactionacceptable – if anything, it makes it worse. I should have listened to you, heard the whole story.”
Even his admission of guilt did not seem to be melting Annika’s heart. Suspicions were in her eyes, and when she spoke, it was in an accusing manner.
“And where has this change of heart come from?”
Maxim did not answer immediately, but instead reached out and took her hand in his. It was warm, heating his whole body and bringing him back to life.
