Page 165 of Snowbound Surrender
“Scarlett,” he said softly, taking her chin between his index finger and thumb, tilting her head toward him. “I know London holds unpleasant memories for you. But we will be living in our own home, making our own new, happy memories. I will never do to you what your father did, you know that, do you not?”
“I do.”
“Then do not fear. If you ever need anything, I will be there for you, you must believe me.”
“Of course, Hunter. But…”
“But what?”
“You have your life there already. Your work, your clubs, your friends. I have no wish to be entirely dependent on you.”
“You have your own hobbies,” he said, frowning. “You will have your charities, and I am sure you will volunteer. You will also have plenty of time for both your friends and your horses as well.”
“My horses and my friends are here,” she said quietly. “Though I suppose you are right, I shall have my charities, and I do thank you for arranging everything for me.”
“Hyde Park can be a wonderful place to ride,” he said in what he hoped was a cheerful manner. “And you’ll make new friends, you’ll see. Lavinia will arrive in London by March. And people will love you! It will be fine, not to worry, love.”
As he took in her look of consternation, however, he realized that he was trying to convince himself as much as her. For she was right. Hewasrather busy in London. This time in the country had been a wonderful respite, and he was grateful for it in so many ways as it had provided him with the opportunity to fall in love with the woman sitting in front of him, the womanwho was kind and generous and adventurous and beautiful — and currently silently resenting the fact that she would have to leave the home she had come to know so well. He understood this, but what else could he do? He certainly didn’t want to truly leave her. They would make this work.
But that night, as he made love to Scarlett, when she began to tremor around him, finding her release, her arms came encircled him in a grip so tight, tears dripping onto his shoulder, that he couldn’t help the fear in his breast as he wondered if she was, in fact, saying goodbye.
Scarlett stoodin her room the next morning, looking at the valise in front of her. Hunter wanted to leave by noon, she knew, in order to take advantage of the most light and warmth of the day. The carriage was ready, his bags packed. But the longer she stood there, the faster her heart beat. She wandered over to the window, looking down at the snow-covered grounds below. She knew what he expected of her was nothing untoward, was typical for a married couple, to go where the husband needed to be. And yet everything within her longed to remain. She had come to love the land, the people, the estate. This was home. They would return, true, but it wouldn’t be until the snow had melted, the ground had thawed, and the gardens would be blooming once more with the summer sun.
Could she do it? Could she leave all behind for Hunter? She knew, deep in her heart, that she loved him with all of her being, and that scared her more than even simply leaving did. For if she left, her whole world would revolve around him. All of her emotions would be tied up in him, while he would be devotedentirely to other causes and purposes. It was not a life she had ever wanted to live. And yet, here she was.
As Marion puttered around the room, packing all of Scarlett’s remaining essentials, Scarlett slowly put one foot in front of her as she walked along the corridor and down the stairs, attempting to quell the panic within her. Her stomach in turmoil, she stood at the threshold between the Oak Room and the entrance hall. She looked up, seeing the mistletoe hanging above her, and tears sprang into her eyes once more.
When she tilted her head back, she found Abbot standing there, looking at her with a gentle smile.
“We didn’t remove the Christmas decor,” she said sadly. “Typically I wait until Twelfth Night, but…”
“It’s all right, my lady, we are happy to do it,” he said with a nod of his head. “We will miss you, to be sure, but you are where you belong.”
“Oh yes,” said Mrs. Shepherd joining him, and the two of them beamed at her as though they were proud parents. “We are so pleased that you and my lord will be together, as it should be.”
Scarlett nodded stiffly, and suddenly she felt an arm slip around her. She turned to find her husband standing in front of her, his formal dress covered in a cloak, a fur hat upon his head.
“One last kiss under the mistletoe,” he said, dropping a quick smack on her lips. She began to walk through the door he held open for her, but once she was through the entrance hall, her foot on the cusp of the portico, she stopped. She couldn’t seem to take one more step, her body frozen as she looked out before her, at the carriage surrounded by the snow, the evergreens a backdrop behind it.
“I can’t,” she said, the words coming from her lips before she even had time to think of them, nor the consequences.
“What’s this?” asked Hunter, his hand coming lightly to her back. “Is everything all right?”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “It’s not all right. I want to be with you, Hunter, I do, but … but I can’t go back there. Not now, not for months on end. I will see you when you return. I look forward to it, truly, and I have so loved our time together. But I can’t go back with you. I’m sorry.”
And with that, she turned and ran back the way she came as Hunter called her name.
“Scarlett!” he cried out, his footsteps echoing hers, and finally she stopped in the middle of Green Hall, knowing that she could never outrun him. “Don’t do this,” he begged, his eyes filled with desperation. “All will be fine, I promise. Just come with me.”
“Can you not stay?” she asked, her breast filled with hope. For he wasn’t required in London, not truly, for another few months. No, he was simplychoosingto be there. “At least for a time?”
“I must go back,” he said, his voice deep and grave. “Please, Scarlett, won’t you come with me? I love you, and I want — Ineedyou with me.”
“I can’t,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “I will see you when you return, whenever that may be. I’m sorry.”
And with that, she began running once more, her booted feet echoing down the corridor, and she didn’t know whether she was relieved or dismayed when he didn’t follow her.
CHAPTER 22
