Page 78 of Mistletoe & Magic
I keep seeing Junie’s body pressed to Remy’s. I keep hearing Remy’s voice, cold and sharp, telling me he didn’t need me, and this was my fault.
God, I thought we were a team. I love him, and I love Junie so much. I thought he knew how much I love them and would never intentionally do anything that would put Junie in jeopardy. And I thought he loved me. But when he said that part about me being the nanny and that was what I was supposed to do and not work at the farm and be distracted, he was right. And I should have focused. I should have kept her safe. I messed up. That part he’s not wrong about.
But I won’t be treated like that. I won’t live again the way I did with Derek. I thought Remy was different. But did the mask slip? Did he show me who he really is?
The thoughts wash over me, but deep down I know it’s nottrue. That’s not Remy…that’s not who he is. He is good, and he wouldn’t do this. This was simply a horrible situation where he lost it, and he needs to apologize.
I just don’t know if that’s going to be enough.
Something that hit me when we lost Junie was whether or not I’m good enough to be there for her and take care of her. What’s going to keep me from possibly doing something like this again? Maybe this was a sign that it’s time to leave. Move on. Get out before I get even closer to anyone.
Because I broke my own rules. I got too close. I caught major feelings. And I thought he did, too.
I need space. I need time to figure out what I want. Because one thing that I know for sure is that I will never stay in a place where I’m not wanted ever again. I won’t just be someone’s option. I want to be their choice. Their everything. Maybe I am a hopeless romantic and believe in all of these romance books I read—so what? That’s what I believe. And I will find that kind of love. I thought I already had. But does love treat others that way when times get hard? Does love freak out when something hard happens?
Yes. Yes, it does, I think to myself. Because that is what real life and love looks like. I know that. I don’t want a fake or boring love. I want the passion, the realness, and the making up. I want Remy to make up with me. And not just with a simpleI’m sorry. I want him to show me. Fight for me. He’s going to have to show me that if he wants me back. Period.
I wrap my arms around myself and press my forehead to the cold window, watching the snow swirl in the headlights. Mom reaches over and gives my knee a squeeze. It’s not much, but it keeps me from flying apart completely.
When we pull up to her house, the porch light is glowing warm against the dark. Willa and Rowan are waiting just inside, coats still on, two mugs of tea steaming on the counter.
The minute I step inside, Willa wraps me in a hug.
“He told me he didn’t need me,” I choke out. “In front of everyone. Like I was nothing.”
“Oh, honey.” Willa pulls me closer. “That man was hurting and scared. But that was messed up.”
“Yeah, it was,” Rowan says from the doorway, arms crossed. “Want me to punch him?”
That almost makes me laugh, but the sound turns into another sob.
“Sit down,” Mom says gently. She steers me to the couch and tucks one of her quilts around my shoulders like I’m eight years old again. And I let her, because I’m just so freaking sad.
The three of them stay with me while I cry it out, Rowan sitting cross-legged on the floor, Willa rubbing circles on my back, Mom quiet but solid at my side.
When my sobs finally slow to hiccups, Mom says, “He was just scared, Ivy. That doesn’t excuse what he said. But fear makes people lash out in stupid ways. I’ve seen that man take on a lot without blinking, but nothing scares a parent more than losing their child.”
“I know he was scared,” I whisper, staring at my hands. “So was I. But he made me feel like I didn’t belong there. Like I was just…in the way.”
“You’re not in the way,” Willa says fiercely. “You are part of that family now, whether he can see straight or not at all right now through what he’s going through. He loves you.”
Rowan leans her chin on her hand. “You know what this is, right? The part in every Hallmark movie where the hero screws up right before he realizes he’s in love.”
“You’ve been talking to Donna. This isn’t a movie,” I say, voice sharp. “And I thought he already realized he loved me. Maybe I was just the nanny. Just the person who watched his kid.”
“Right,” Rowan clips sarcastically. “You guys can work this out. Give him a minute to figure this all out. You just have to let him crawl first. Make him grovel. Maybe beg a little.”
Willa snorts and tosses a pillow at her. “You might be wrong, Rowan. Maybe Remy isn’t it for Ivy.”
“I am right,” Rowan says. “I’m saying this isn’t over. He loves her. You think he’s just gonna sit at that farm and sulk? Please. That man is probably losing his mind with regret right now.”
I bite my lip, because the image of Remy pacing the kitchen, wearing a groove in the floor, hits me square in the chest.
Willa still looks mad on my behalf, “I would hex him, but I do like Remy. But he’s an ass for how he treated you today.”
“Drink your tea,” Mom says softly. “Tonight you rest. Tomorrow, you can decide what comes next. Everyone just needs to cool down and have a little space.”
Later, after I’ve tucked myself into my old room, I sit on the edge of the bed staring at the quilt, lost in thought. Everything here is neat and quiet. Familiar. And yet it feels empty. I miss Remy and Junie. I hope she’s snuggled up with Lola, and she’s making her feel better.
