Page 66 of Happily Never After
‘Things have moved on then?’
She harrumphs, evidently irritated at being caught out so easily. ‘They might have done,’ she says cagily.
‘And?’
‘And what? I’m not giving you a blow-by-blow account, Laura. Even by my admittedly low standards, that’s too much information.’
‘Is it good, that’s all I want to know. Are you happy?’
‘It is very good, and I am very happy. As is Meg, since you didn’t ask. Having two of her favourite human beings together in the evenings is like whatever the doggy equivalent of catnip is. The only problem is that she does get terribly jealous. If Donna and I start to cuddle, she doesn’t like it at all.’
I smile. ‘Don’t worry. She was just the same with Angus and me. Barking, then trying to get in between to separate us. We used to have to shut her out of the bedroom if we wanted to have sex, and then she’d quite often spend the whole time whining on the other side of the door.’
‘That sounds familiar.’ Liv laughs. ‘If you’re interested, we’ve solved it.’
‘Really? How?’
‘Firstly, don’t leave the room together. She knows something’s up and will be out of the door ahead of you if you do that. So, after some experimenting, we worked out that the bestapproach was for one of us to leave the room while the other sets up the distraction before following.’
‘Distraction?’
‘Nature documentaries on TV. She absolutely loves them. Stick David Attenborough and some wildebeest on there and she’s transfixed. To be fair, she quite likes farming programmes too, although we had to stop her from watchingCountryfilebecause she tried to join in whenever there was a sheepdog doing something, and her claws were scratching the TV stand. We did try her onClarkson’s Farm, but there’s too much machinery and not enough animals to hold her attention. What?’
‘If you’ve tried all those programmes already, that seems like an awful lot of sex in a short time.’
Liv blushes slightly, catching me by surprise. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her blush before. ‘We’ve discovered that we’re very compatible sexually as well as emotionally,’ she admits coyly.
‘I’m delighted for you,’ I tell her, embarrassed myself now. ‘I’m not sure how I feel about you experimenting on my dog though.’
‘It’s not experimentation, it’s entertainment. It was Donna’s idea, actually. She said that not all dogs have the brainpower to interpret the images on TV, but she reckoned Meg, being so bright, would be able to do it and she was right.’
I laugh, pleased that we’ve defused the slightly awkward moment. ‘Flattery will get you everywhere. Tell me Meg is a genius and I’ll let you do whatever you like.’
The conversation flows easily for another twenty minutes or so. After we finish, I lie on the bed and reflect on what’s been said. I’m not sure I found her advice about Finn and Angus terribly useful, although I have to admit I did enjoy discussing the ‘murder at the writers’ retreat’ plot much more than I perhaps should have. Although we obviously both found her revelation about her sex life with Donna a bit too muchinformation, I am genuinely happy for her, because I don’t think I’ve ever seen her this excited about someone before. It does present me with a problem though. Despite her assurances, I’m certain I’m going to be playing gooseberry to the two of them, and that’s going to be awkward.
The other disturbing result of our conversation is that it stirred up memories of Angus and me trying to find ways to have sex without alerting Meg and, though I hate to admit it, they weren’t completely unpleasant. He may have been a lazy lover, but he’s familiar, and that’s much less frightening than the prospect of having sex with someone new for the first time.
24
I managed to avoid Angus pretty successfully last night, and I’m congratulating myself on that fact as I get myself ready for my morning walk. To be fair, I don’t think anyone was really in the mood for talking. Gina spent most of the evening staring flintily at either Angus or me and I don’t think I’m exaggerating if I say that we’d both be feeling pretty poorly right now if looks really could kill. Suzie and Grace were also silent, presumably still coming to terms with the fact that their leader cast them aside so casually. Tess was wisely keeping her own counsel, and so the only person making any attempt at conversation was Lynette who, among her other failings, seems to be completely incapable of reading the room. Even Cara and Hugh were muted. I felt for Cara, actually, as she’d pulled out all the stops with some absolutely fabulousMoules Marinièresthat Gina took one look at and flatly refused to eat, followed by aBoeuf Bourguignonthat Hugh informed us included the vital steps of adding brandy, igniting it and then extinguishing the flames with a good bottle of red wine. His attempt to lighten the mood fell on deaf ears, however, and we all headed our separate ways as soon as themeal was over. Angus did make a vague attempt to corral me, but I think he read my expression and wisely decided to leave it.
It’s another beautiful morning and I’m looking forward to some solo time as I close the front door carefully behind me and tilt my face towards the sun. My conversation with Liv is still occupying my mind, so I’m planning to use the walk into town to process it a bit.
‘I was hoping to catch you.’ Angus’s voice makes me jump.
‘How did you know I’d be here?’ My irritation is plain.
‘I was chatting to that hippy woman yesterday, and she told me you normally went for a walk before breakfast.’
‘Did she?’ Bloody Lynette and her runaway mouth. A thought suddenly comes to me, and I don’t know why, but it makes me feel slightly guilty.
‘What else did she tell you?’ I ask.
He hesitates, which I’m fairly certain tells me all I need to know but, for some reason, I want to hear him say it.
‘Go on. Spit it out,’ I instruct him.
‘She said that you were friendly with the guy who was in my room before me and you used to walk with him every morning. Is that true?’ He sounds hurt, which is pretty rich, when you consider what he did.
