Page 47 of Happily Never After
‘Let’s take a pedalo.’
‘What? I thought we were doing the full 1920s experience.’
‘I don’t want to rain on your parade, but I’m not sure being repeatedly rammed into the bank and shouted at by irate Frenchmen is really going to conjure up the right vibe. At least we have a vague chance of going in the right direction with a pedalo.’
He sighs. ‘You’re right. OK, pedalo it is.’
Any final hope of recreating a scene Evelyn Waugh would have been proud of is dashed by the bright orange lifejackets we’re given before we’re allowed anywhere near the water.
‘Vous devez aller a droite et rester loin des nageurs,’ the attendant tells us firmly as he helps us onto the pedalo.
‘Oui, Monsieur. Merci,’ Finn replies as he lets go of the rope and we start to drift away from the jetty.
‘Any idea what he said?’ Finn asks as we start to turn the pedals.
‘I think we need to keep right and keep away from thenageurs, whatever they are?’
‘Aren’t they clouds?’
‘That doesn’t make sense though. How would we keep away from the clouds?’
‘Snow?’
‘No, that’sneige. Got it. They’re swimmers.’
‘That makes more sense. How did you figure it out?’
I smile. ‘There’s a sign over there that saysNageurs interdit au-delà de ce point, and there’s a picture of a swimmer with a line through. Pretty big clue, wouldn’t you say?’
‘So, I did have an idea about your show last night, but it’s probably no good,’ I tell him some time later. We returned the pedalo once the heat started to build and we’re now sitting at ourtable in the shade with the remnants of Cara’s picnic around us, although the word ‘picnic’ doesn’t do any justice to the banquet that we found inside the cool box. As well as the cold meats, pâté and cheese that you’d expect to go with the obligatory baguette, there was a selection of salads, a bottle of white wine that we haven’t opened, and some pastries for pudding that wouldn’t have looked out of place at Maison Olivia.
‘Go on. Any ideas at all are more than welcome.’
‘As I said, I’m no auction expert, but Liv is a sucker forAntiques Roadshowon TV. We watch it every week when it’s on, and it occurred to me that it meets one of your criteria for a game show.’
‘I’m not with you.’
‘OK, so people bring their stuff to the experts, hoping against hope that the tatty teapot or whatever that they’ve inherited from Great-Aunt Mildred actually turns out to be worth millions.’
‘I’m not sure all of them think like that.’
‘Of course they do. You can see it in their eyes on the rare occasion that their junk does actually turn out to be worth something. They say things like “Oh, I could never part with it. It’s my only connection to Great-Aunt Mildred”, but you can practically hear them thinking, “Yes! I’m totally flogging this at the first opportunity.”’
‘I’ll have to take your word for it. How does this tie in to my show?’
‘Have a ringer in each round. So, there was one week when someone brought this really tatty watch to be valued. I mean, the thing looked like it was barely worth a tenner, but it turned out to be some really rare Rolex that was actually worth tens of thousands. So, you include something like that in every round, with some kind of reward or penalty depending on whether the contestants correctly identify it.’
He thinks for a while, tilting his head back and closing his eyes. ‘I like it. No, actually, that’s genius,’ he says with a smile. ‘Although I might adapt it slightly, as I think it could be difficult to find something that could do that in every round.’
‘What are you thinking?’
‘Have one ringer item per episode, like a joker in the pack. The contestants know it will appear at some point, but it could be in any round. If they guess it correctly, it doubles their prize fund, providing they make it to the final round.’
‘Potentially expensive.’
‘Oh, prize money is the least of the producer’s worries on a show like this. The audience will love it too.’
‘What about the jeopardy aspect?’
