Page 49 of Happily Never After
Although he does as instructed, and returns his gaze to looking out of the windscreen, the atmosphere in here has clearly shifted again. He’s no longer miserable, which is a good thing, but my mind is a whirlwind. Finn is, on paper at least, not at all the kind of man I would normally go for, so why has him telling me he finds me attractive got me all stirred up? Todayhas been a weird day: First there was the way the whole mental image of him when we were talking about the rowing boat made me feel, then him kissing me, me kissing him back, and the strangely erotic thoughts that I had when I was looking at his hands just now. To be fair, Angus wasn’t my normal type either, and we lasted ten years despite his hands being nowhere near as nice as Finn’s. Oh, get a grip, for goodness’ sake, Laura. This is a moment of madness, probably caused by spending too much time in the sun. Stop reading more into it than there is.
I’m relieved when we pull up outside L’Ancien Presbytère. The majority of the journey after Finn’s revelation was silent, which is most unlike us, but we’ve both been lost in our thoughts. I did try to get inside Finn’s head a couple of times, but he wasn’t having it. I suspect he’s concerned that he’s overstepped the mark again, but there’s nothing I can do to reassure him if he’s not prepared to talk about it. For my part, I’ve been trying to mentally reset our relationship in my mind. I realised very early on that I’d like to stay friends with Finn after the retreat ends, but I’ve never even considered the possibility of anything more than that before today. Should I? Is he? One thing is for certain. I need to talk to Liv as soon as I’ve showered off the sunscreen and changed into fresh clothes.
‘You’re a mind reader,’ I say into the handset. I barely had time to wrap my hair and body in towels before my phone rang. A glance at the caller ID told me it was Liv. ‘I was just going to call you.’
‘Really? Why?’
‘I need your advice on something.’
‘Sounds interesting. Go on.’
‘So, you know Finn, who I told you about?’
‘The TV guy you’re pally with, yes.’
‘I’m wondering if perhaps it’s more than pally.’ I tell her about everything that happened today and she listens so quietly that I have to check the screen hasn’t frozen a couple of times.
‘Hmm,’ is all she says when I finish.
‘That’s not very helpful, Liv!’ I exclaim. ‘I was hoping for a bit more than that.’
‘OK, let me summarise. This guy arrives at your retreat. You don’t fancy him physically, but he turns out to be a nice guy and you enjoy his company.’
‘Yes.’
‘That’s got friendzone written all over it. But now, after a couple of PG-rated kisses and him telling you that you’re attractive, you’re all hot under the collar.’
‘I think “hot under the collar” might be overstating it.’
‘Did you take shrunk-in-the-wash Goliath with you on this retreat?’
‘What’s that got to do with anything?’
‘I’m just wondering if you’re pent up, sexually, and that’s clouding your judgement. What stage of your cycle are you at?’
‘I’m not pent up and I’m not mid-cycle either. He’s not physicallyunattractive, I just tend to go for men who are rather more well-built than him. It’s his personality that I like most.’
‘And his hands.’ She laughs. ‘To be fair, Angus was hardly a beefcake, was he? Maybe you’re secretly attracted to scrawny men, but just haven’t had the lady-balls to admit it to yourself yet.’
‘Finn isn’t scrawny, he’s just not especially muscly either.’
‘There’s more to men than their muscles. At least, the good ones. Let’s look at this from another perspective. You could hold out for Mr Beefcake, but what is that going to get you beyond an admittedly attractive physique? In my opinion, beefcakes tendto come with a raft of unnatural habits, like gyms and protein shakes. What’s wrong with a walk or run in the fresh air and proper food? I may be generalising here, but I suspect a lot of them rely on their muscles to disguise the fact that they’re actually monumentally dull, personality wise. It’s very rare to find someone who’s the complete package.’
‘Henry Cavill is the complete package,’ I counter. ‘When he smiles, it does things to me.’
‘He’s also over ten years older than you, with a partner and baby in tow.’
‘If any of my books ever get made into films, I’m going to demand they cast him in a leading role,’ I tell her, undeterred.
‘And that’s your prerogative. But you’ll never get any further than admiring him from afar. Let’s return to planet Earth for a moment, shall we? Leave the geriatric gym addicts alone.’
‘He’s not geriatric, and what makes you think he’s a gym addict?’
‘You don’t get a physique like that without putting in the effort. I bet he spends all day in the there, drinking protein shakes and working out. Anyway, Finn. How did you feel when he kissed you?’
‘Surprised, mainly.’
‘So not disgusted or revolted. You didn’t want to brush your teeth immediately or slap him?’
