Page 35 of Happily Never After
‘Absolutely not. If it’s offensive, I reserve the right to take as much umbrage as I can.’
‘It’s not offensive.’ He’s blushing now, I notice.
‘Just spit it out, Finn.’
‘Don’t read anything into it. I only gave it to you because it alliterates with your name and it relates to the way we met.’
‘Finn!’
‘Fine. It’s Luggage Laura, OK?’
‘Luggage Laura?’ I repeat slowly.
‘Yes, because we met over your luggage.’
‘I think there are more complimentary alliterations you could have picked. Lovely Laura, perhaps, or even Luscious Laura?’
‘I think they would have been inappropriate, and would only have served to make you more certain that I was stalking you.’
‘Lickable Laura – now that would have been inappropriate and definitely stalkerish,’ I tell him, before realising what I’ve just said and blushing a little myself. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean anything by that. I was just getting carried away with the alliteration thing.’
‘Maybe I should rename you Alliteration Laura,’ he says with a smile, thankfully defusing the rather awkward atmosphere that was between us.
‘I’ll take Luggage Laura,’ I say as we start to help ourselves from the coffee jug that has been laid out. ‘I’ve been called much worse, and at least I’m not one of the witches.’
‘You won’t say anything to them, will you?’ he asks, his expression suddenly serious. ‘Things here are weird enough as it is.’
‘Your secret is safe with me,’ I assure him.
‘How’s the game show coming?’ I ask once we’re settled at the table with our drinks and a couple of pastries so delicious that they give Liv’s a run for their money – not that I’d ever tell her that. The tantalising aromas coming from the kitchen indicatethat Cara is evidently in the middle of preparing lunch, and I’m keen to keep the conversation going, if only to disguise the sound of my stomach growling in anticipation and to reassure him that I’m no longer suspicious of him. I may have teased him about his assertion that he and I were the only normal people here, but there’s quite a lot of truth in it. I could do with an ally and he’s surprisingly easy to talk to.
‘Slow,’ he admits.
I smile. ‘I’m no expert, but I imagine that it goes faster if you’re actually awake.’
‘What do you mean by that?’
‘You were dozing earlier, weren’t you?’
‘I wasn’t! I was just thinking with my eyes closed, that’s all.’
‘Dozing,’ I repeat.
‘It was a late night and a very early start this morning.’
‘What have you got so far?’ I ask. ‘Or is it secret?’
‘That depends. Are you going to steal my idea and pitch it to the TV networks?’
‘I wasn’t planning to, no. But sometimes it helps to have a sounding board.’
‘OK. Do you remember me telling you about the essential ingredients of a game show earlier?’
I cast my mind back to our car journey. ‘Umm, it has to engage the audience, involve elimination and an element of jeopardy.’
‘Very good. So my idea, as far as I have it, is a kind of valuation game. The working title isThe Auction Room, which we’ll have to change because it’s too close to an existing show calledThe Bidding Room, but that’s the least of my problems right now. The contestants get shown a number of items that have recently sold at auction, and they have to guess how much they went for.’
‘OK, but how do they get points? I assume there are points involved.’
