Page 46 of Mr. Edwards
“Carlee,” Reece yells from behind me, but I don’t stop. I’m on a mission.
Leaping off the curb, I frantically check either way for traffic before running across the road. The man hasalready started walking again; he’s now further down the street.
“Dad,” I call out. Even though his back is toward me, I’m waving my arms in the air as I go, trying to gain his attention. “Dad, it’s me, Carlee.”
When he doesn’t stop or turn around, I pick up the pace. I feel like I’m running for my life, when in fact I’m running toward it… toward my future.He came. For once I wasn’t let down.
He didn’t forget about me.
He does love me.
“Dad,” I call out again. “Dad… Daddy.” When I’m within reach, I tug on the back of his jacket, finally making him come to an abrupt stop. “Dad, it’s me. Carlee. Your little girl.” Although I’m out of breath, the smile on my face is huge.
His eyebrows pull together as he glares down at me from over his shoulder, confusion on his face. “I’m sorry, miss, you must have me mistaken for someone else. I don’t have any children.”
“No, no, you’re wrong,” I cry as the tears I’ve been holding in all afternoon flood my eyes. “You have to be him. You’re here to save me. I… I need you. I can’t do this on my own anymore. You promised. Look I have your cap, see.” I tug it out of my back pocket. “I kept it for you.”
His lips pull into a tight line but I see compassion in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he says again.
I’m silently pleading for him to admit he’s wrong. To tell me he’s made a terrible mistake and he really is my dad. His gaze moves behind me just as I feel two strong hands come to rest on my shoulders, squeezing slightly. And my heart shatters a little more. I don’t need to turn around to know who it is. It’s certainly not my father.He’s not coming after all. He doesn’t love me either. It’s justanother thing to add to the already long list of disappointments that are my parents.
Why did they have me if neither of them wanted me?
“Hey, killer,” Reece says in a soft voice when we pull up outside my trailer. He places his hand on my knee, gripping it. I appreciate that he’s trying to be gentle with me, but I’m hanging on by a thread as it is. I haven’t said a word the entire drive here. I even ignored his offer of a hamburger. Food is the last thing I want. My gut is all churned up inside. I’m numb… I’m humiliated…I’m heartbroken. “I’m so sorry about today.”
I glance over at him as a few stupid tears leak from my eyes. I hate showing my weakness, but my emotions are all over the place. It feels like any hope I had for a brighter future just went up in smoke.
“You have nothing to be sorry about,” I say, trying to hold in the sob. “You are the one good thing in my life.”
His eyes glass over and he dips his head before clearing his throat. “Some of the most poisonous people come disguised as family, believe me, I know.” He’s never spoken about his kin before, but he sounds like he’s speaking from experience. Is that why he’s been so kind to me? His eyes meet mine again. “I want you to listen to me, Carlee, strength, and growth come from continued struggle. And you may not feel like it in this moment, but you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. You’re going to be okay; I promise you that.”
I nod, wiping my eyes.I’ve survived worse. I haveso many questions, but I can’t deal with anything right now. I want to go to bed and forget today ever happened.
Reaching for the handle, I open the car door. “Thanks for the new clothes,” I say before I exit the vehicle. “I’m sorry you wasted your money.”
“Don’t be silly. It was worth it just to see you smile.” I nod, as the lump returns to my throat. “I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”
“Yeah.”
Going to the gym, and seeing Reece and the other guys, is the highlight of my day. At least they want me around.
I get out, closing the door behind me. I stop when I reach the front porch and take a few deep breaths before I enter the trailer. Roxy’s home and she’s the last person I want to see right now.
That sentiment is only amplified the second I step inside. “Where the hell have you been?” she slurs before placing a straw under her nose with shaky hands, then leaning over the table where two neat lines of white powder sit. My eyes scan around the space, noticing all the empty beer cans. It seems like she’s spent her day having a party for one. I straightened up before I left for school this morning. It’s amazing how she can always find the money for drugs, liquor, makeup, and new dresses, but never enough to feed her child.
I hate her;I hate this miserable life.
“I needed you to go to the laundromat for me,” she sniffs, placing her finger under her nostril, sucking the residue up her junkie-ass nose. “I’ve run out of panties.”
I pause, giving her words a moment to sink in. She’s kidding, right? I’m the damn kid here, when did washing her laundry become my job? Why she even botherswearing panties is beyond me. It’s not like she keeps them on for long.
“Here’s a thought, why don’t you get off your lazy ass and be a parent for once in your miserable life. You’re a disgrace.”
“What did you say?” she screams, standing and taking a step toward me. I don’t usually poke the bear when she’s under the influence, but today I have no fucks to give. She raises her hand as she approaches, ready to strike, but I don’t even flinch. Nothing she can do will hurt me more than I’m already hurting.
Squaring my shoulders, I stand taller. “Go to hell, Roxy. I’m not in the mood for your bullshit tonight.”
She falters for a second before throwing her head back and laughing. It makes my anger rise. When she wraps her hands around her stomach and doubles over, my tiny hands ball into fists. It takes every ounce of restraint I have not to sock her one.
