Page 14 of Mr. Edwards
It’s been impossible to forget the years of abuse I’ve been subjected to; I still carry the scars from where she used my skin as an ashtray, and that’s just the visible damage.
All these years later there’s a part of me that’s still broken inside. I don’t do sleepovers, I can’t. I have no problem with the act of sex, maybe because I was unconscious when my innocence was stolen.It’s hard to be traumatized by events you don’t remember.My nightmares extend from the thought of waking up with someone lying beside me.
My trust issues hinder me from ever having a serious, long-term relationship. It’s just another thing that sick fuck stole from me. To this day I religiously lock my bedroom door each night, even going as far as checking behind the curtain, under the bed, and inside the closet like some kind of freak. It’s become a sick compulsion that I can’t let go of. I even have to sleep with the light on; not because I’m afraid of the dark, but because I need to be aware. To be prepared for whatever threat may be lurking in the shadows. I trusted Reece with my life, but I even struggled to live under the same roof as him in the beginning.
The sad truth is, my mother and her misguided loyalty is a lost cause. Everybody has a line, and she’smore than crossed mine. She leapt over that motherfucker without a second thought about me or my welfare.
I’m more than done with her bullshit.
I’ve had to train my mind not to think about her. She’s like a constant black cloud hanging over my head, but for my own survival, I had to let her go once and for all. Nobody knows the true extent of her selfishness. Not even Reece; I never told him the real reason I showed up at his gym that fateful morning. To this day all he knows is my mother kicked me out, and being the beautiful soul he is, he didn’t hesitate to take me in. Loyal to a fault. Roxy could certainly take a leaf out of his book.
I’ve given Emma tiny snippets of my past, but I do my best to shut the conversation down whenever she broaches it. Opening that Pandora’s box and sinking down that rabbit hole is not an option for me; no good will come from reliving my childhood. It’ll forever be mydirty little secret, something I’ll take with me to the grave.
It’s been a long road getting to where I am today, but I’ve finally accepted I’m better off without Roxy in my life. Reece and Emma have shown me my worth, and they’re all the family I need.
Sometimes blood isn’t thicker than water.
“Hey, hon,” the waitress says, coming to a stop beside the booth where I’m sitting, pulling me back into the present. “Can I get you something to drink while you wait for your friend?” I look down at the time on my phone. Emma should’ve been here twenty minutes ago.
“I’ll wait,” I reply. “She shouldn’t be far off.”
“Sure thing, darlin’. I’ll head on back when she gets here.”
Emma and I have been coming here for breakfast on the first Saturday of every month for the past two years. It’s what she calls her Sinful-Saturday. The one day shedoesn’t watch her calorie intake. She had an eating disorder when she was in her teens, and she’s still mindful of everything that passes her lips.
Emma’s childhood was very different to mine. She comes from a loving home, but she still has her demons. She was bullied throughout high school about her weight and even tried to end her life when things got too much. She’s come a long way since then. She’s found what works for her and she’s flourishing. I truly admire her for that.
She’s beautiful on the inside and out, but those assholes she went to school with really did a number on her. She’s the kindest person I know, sweetness right to the bone, and I hate how the damage they caused still follows her around. She has such a sensitive soul. I gave up caring what people thought of me years ago. There was only one person’s validation I craved, and I was never going to get that. So, if Emma needs to watch what she eats to maintain balance in her life, who am I to judge? I have my own hang-ups.
There’s nothing wrong with falling, it’s staying down that’s the problem.
I pick up my phone and start typing out a message. Emma usually beats me here. Her car was gone when I left the apartment complex earlier, and I know she stops at her favorite bakery for her jelly donut fix. But I’m still concerned. If she was unexpectedly held up, she would’ve let me know.
Carlee: Just checking you’re okay.
As I go to press send, the bell above the door chimes, drawing my attention in that direction. As soon as I see Emma I can tell something’s wrong. She looks flustered and on the verge of tears.
I place down my phone and stand, stepping out of the booth.
“Hey,” I say with concern, approaching her. My stomach drops when I see tears welling in her eyes. It’s rare to see her upset; she’s always so nauseatingly happy. “Em.” Without even thinking I open my arms and she collapses into them. My protective streak comes out when she starts to sob against my shoulder. “Who do I have to kill?”
A few moments later, Emma pulls back and wipes her eyes. “Nobody,” she replies, forcing out a smile. “Don’t mind me, I’m just being ridiculous.”
There’s more to this. She doesn’t break down for no reason. Hooking my arm through hers, I carefully lead her toward our table. “Come sit. Tell me what’s made you so upset.”
I wait until we’re both seated before I reach for her hand. “Spill.”
Emma looks down at her lap and sighs. “I met a guy.”
“Okay, and this is a bad thing?”
She lifts one shoulder. “I ran into him just now… literally,” she says, making eye contact again. “This guy was so hot, Car, like seriously melt-your-panties-off-good-looking.” After pausing to blow out a puff of air, she continues. “He was also bossy, and kind of infuriating, but so damn hot. I said that already, right?”
When a smile tugs at her lips, I release a small laugh. “You did, but I’m guessing he was hot enough that it required repeating.”
“Most definitely.” She fans her face, making me chuckle. “Way too hot for a girl like me.”
“Enough of that,” I snap. “You’re a babe, there’s not a guy on this earth that wouldn’t be worthy of you.”
