Page 128 of Mr. Edwards
The pastor does a nice job at the gravesite mass; Carlee is sandwiched between me and Emma, her hands wrapped in ours. When we are asked if anyone would like to say a few words, I feel Carlee stiffen beside me. I never met her mother, and from what little I know, it would be hard for me to find something nice to say, so I’m grateful when Reece steps forward.
“I would,” he says. “I only met Roxanne a handful of times, and I can’t say they were under the best of circumstances. She lived a hard and fast-paced life, constantly struggling with her addictions. I choose to believe, despite that, there was some good inside her. After all, she gave us Carlee.” He clears his throat, and I’m forced to blink a few times, trying to get my own emotions in check. “Her daughter is honest, hardworking, kind, brave, selfless, and the most inspiring person I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. A precious gift to us all,” he adds, getting choked up. “It’s been my absolute pleasure to watch her grow into the woman she is today. In my heart I know her mother would be so proud of the person she’s become; despite all the odds she’s faced in her life.”
Once he’s finished speaking, Carlee lets go of ourhands and steps forward. “Thank you,” she says, wrapping her arms around his waist. “I love you so much, Reece. I wouldn’t be who I am today if it wasn’t for you.”
“I love you too, kid,” he replies, awkwardly tapping her back, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.
After the burial, we all head to the gym. Michelle stayed behind to set up some refreshments for us upon our return. Reece drives his car home, and Carlee travels with me. The mood is somber as she stares out the passenger side window in silence.
“You okay?” I ask, reaching across the center console and placing my hand on her leg.
She turns her face toward me. Her eyes are red and puffy, she looks so goddamn sad. It tears me up inside.
“I am,” she replies with a small nod. “I was dreading today; I’m not sure how I would’ve coped on my own.” She lifts one of her shoulders slightly. “I’m feeling very grateful for the amazing people I have in my life, but on the flip side, I’m sad Roxy wasn’t as lucky.”
“We all love you, Carlee.” I squeeze her leg as I speak.
“I know,” she whispers, looking down at her lap. “I know.”
“If I’d known you guys were all coming today, I would’ve organized something for afterward,” she says as I pull into a parking spot outside the gym.
“Reece has it all under control. That’s why Michelle didn’t join us at the cemetery.”
“Oh.”
When I open her door, I hold out my hand, helping her from the car, and lead her inside. I see a long table set up against the adjacent wall when we enter, with a line of chairs on either side. Emma intercepts Carlee straight away, handing her a glass of wine.
“There’s sandwiches, pastries, and tiny cakes over there. How about I make you up a plate?” she asks.
“I’m not hungry right now,” Carlee replies. And that’s a sentence I never thought I’d hear her utter. I understand exactly how she’s feeling, but it still concerns me. “This is just what I need.” She brings the glass of wine to her mouth, taking a large gulp.
Emma’s concerned eyes flicker in my direction. I give her a small reassuring nod. The funeral is always the hardest. I know the coming days, weeks, and probably months aren’t going to be easy as she starts to heal. It took me a very long time to accept my father’s passing.
The girls move to take a seat, and I let them go. She needs her best friend right now. Even though we were kids at the time, Ashton was my rock after my father’s funeral. He didn’t say much more than sorry, but I knew he was there for me and that’s what mattered. We spent the entire afternoon throwing a football around in my backyard. Not a single word was spoken. It’s what I needed at the time to help release some frustration and take my mind off things.
Emma’s been beside herself with worry ever since she heard about what happened to Carlee and her mother. She was torn between driving up here and giving her the space she wanted. I’m glad she decided on the latter. It’s exactly why I stayed away.
Ashton brings me over a beer, placing his hand on my shoulder. “How are you doing?” he asks.
I shrug. I can’t seem to move past my part in this mess.For the travesties my uncle created, but also the knowledge that my persistence in seeking out Carlee is what started this domino effect.
I know Granny has reached out to my uncle’s wife to see how she and her daughters are doing, but none of us attended his funeral. He can rot in hell for all I care.
When it came time for us to leave and head back to Hermosa, my heart felt heavy. I wasn’t ready to walk away. The thought that this may be the last time I ever see Carlee again absolutely terrified me.
We’re standing on the sidewalk saying our goodbyes. Ashton and I are chatting with Reece, while Carlee, Emma, and my mom are hugging it out beside us.
The moment I notice Carlee’s body slightly jerking as she silently cries in their arms my decision’s made. I can’t leave just yet.
“Can my mom travel back with you and Em?” I ask Ashton. “I think I might hang around for a while.”
“Of course. If you want to stay for a few days, I can cover for you at the office.”
Carlee needs time, so I’m not going to overstay my welcome. “I’ll be in tomorrow; I have meetings scheduled all day.”
“Fair enough. If you change your mind let me know. Either way, I’ll make sure your mom gets home safe.”
“Thanks.”
