Page 113 of Mr. Edwards
“You didn’t have to do that you know.”
Just thinking about the moment I arrived home from our camping trip and found that damn car parked in my driveway has the muscles in my chest tightening. I distinctly remember the relief I’d felt. I thought she was there, and everything that had happened in the hours prior had been a mistake. But instead, it turned out to be the confirmation I’d been dreading. She was gone. She’d left the fucking keys in my mailbox. No note, no further explanation.
“I barely paid back a fraction of what that car was worth.”
“It was never about the money, Carlee. It was my way of keeping you safe. You should’ve kept it.”
“It didn’t feel right.”
“At the very least I would’ve given you back the money you’d paid me if I knew where to fucking find you.” My words come out much harsher than I anticipated, but my wounds are still raw. Her eyes slightly narrow, so I bite the inside of my cheek before I say anything that’s going to escalate into an argument. That’s not why I’m here. “Look, I just want to talk. Can we go somewhere?”
Reaching up she rubs her temples. “I’m tired, Grayson. It’s been a long day.”
“Are you hungry, we could go get some food?”
She gives me a casual shrug. “I skipped breakfast this morning, so I guess I could eat.”
A huge smile bursts onto my face. I know my girl better than she knows herself, and I’m not above using her weakness for food to get some more time with her.
She may be confused, and a little lost right now, but I have enough love for both of us. I always have.
We’re sitting in my car, parked by the curb outside Reece’s gym. She didn’t want to go to a restaurant and eat, preferring a drive-thru burger place instead. I wasn’t fussed about where we went, as long as we were together.
“I know about the baby,” I blurt out.
My statement has her glancing down at her lap and swallowing thickly. “There was no baby,” she clarifies.
I exhale a long breath. “I know, but it doesn’t stop me from wishing that there were.” Her eyes snap back to me and I can see the surprise on her face. Going by what Emma said, she wishes that too.
I reach for her hand, bringing it to my mouth, placing a small kiss on the little red heart tattoo on her palm. I’m yet to query her about them, but I will when the time is right.
“I’ve seen how good you are with those kids in your class. You may not think so, but you’ll make a wonderful mother someday.”
Pulling her hand from mine, she shrugs her shoulder and turns her face to stare out the passenger side window.
I drop my burger into the wrapper that’s spread out on my lap, scrunching it up into a ball. I’ve suddenly lost my appetite. I hate how stilted things have become between us. Every subject I want to discuss only seems to make her clamp up tighter.
“You pushed me away like I meant nothing to you, do you hate me that much?”
She swings her face back in my direction. “I could never hate you, please believe that. You should hate me for the way I’ve treated you though.”
“What I hate is you’re so close I can reach out and touch you, yet you still feel like you’re a million fucking miles away.”
She drops her chin. “I hate that every time I look at you all I can see is the hurt in your eyes… hurt that I put there.”
“Then why did you do it?” Why do you continue to do it I want to add, but I don’t.
“Hurting you is the last thing I wanted.”
“Then explain why. Help me understand because that’s been the hardest thing for me.”
She glances at me briefly before turning her face away again. Why can’t she just talk to me? Reaching over the center console, I place my hand under her chin, bringing her gaze back to mine.
“Just say the words, I need to hear them. Help me understand what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Yeah, it is. You just open that sweet mouth of yours and speak.”
