Page 56 of Nineteen Letters
“The club sandwiches here are delicious.” Does he notice my apprehension?
“That sounds great.” I place the menu down on the table. “I’ll have one of those.” I have no idea what a club sandwich is, but I’ll take my chances.
“Braxton took me out to the farm on the weekend,” I say once our order is placed. “Thank you for keeping up with the maintenance on the property, that’s nice of you.”
“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for your mother,” he replies simply. “Or for you.”
I look down at the white linen tablecloth as I ponder my next words. This seems like the perfect opportunity to ask what I’ve been dying to know. “You can tell me to mind my own business, but what happened between you two?”
My father clears his throat, as his gaze moves to stare at something in the distance. I’m suddenly unsure if I’m ready for his response, but there’s a part of me that needs to know. I don’t understand how all this bitterness can have come from what was once a wonderful marriage.
“There’s no easy way to say it, I suppose.” He pauses, then sighs. “I cheated on your mother.”
I have no control over the gasp that falls from my lips. “Youwhat?” I feel my eyes widen as I speak.
“I’m sorry you have to go through all this again. It was bad enough I broke your mother’s heart, but I broke yours as well. You didn’t speak to me for more than a month afterwards. The past few years have been tough on us all.”
“What happened?”
“I have no excuse for what I did, but for you to fully understand, I should start at the beginning.”
My head is spinning as I wait for him to continue.Poor Christine.
He tugs at the tie around his neck, loosening it slightly. “Your mum was devastated after her father died, and rightly so, but to lose both her parents in such a close proximity was unimaginable.” I slide my hands off the table and place them on my lap, wringing my fingers together. “When we arrived at the farm after her mother’s death, she was inconsolable. To the point, she was admitted into hospital and sedated.” I watch him, unsure what to say. “Seeing the woman I love like that was hard,” he continued. “So hard.”
“If you loved her so much, how could you cheat on her?”
He bows his head before answering. “The weeks, months—andyearthat followed were hard. The death of your grandparents changed her. She fell into a deep depression. She no longer smiled, she hardly ate or slept for that matter, and over time she shut me out completely. She shut us all out.” He pauses and scrubs his hand over his face. “She refused to get help. I never stopped loving her, but you need to understand that it was hard for me too. You were already living with Braxton. I felt incredibly alone.”
“So, you found someone else to give you what you weren’t getting at home?” My words come out more aggressively than intended, but it appears he abandoned my mother when she needed him most.
“No. It wasn’t like that. Karen was my secretary. She’d been working for me for over fifteen years. She noticed the shift in me … I think everyone did, I was miserable. After a lot of persuasion, she finally convinced me to open up. Truth is, I needed someone to talk to … I certainly couldn’t talk to your mother. We ended up developing a close friendship. That’s all it was. That is until one night we went out for drinks after work.” He exhales, and I don’t like where this is heading. “We shared a cab home. The driver dropped her off first, so I walked her to the door … I ended up kissing her goodnight. It wasn’t just a peck, either.”
“I see.” I can’t seem to hide my disappointment. “And?”
“And that’s it. She invited me in, and I told her no. That kiss was a mistake. I loved your mother, and I still do. I left immediately and the guilt I felt on the way home ate away at me. Your mother had moved out of our bedroom a few months earlier. She’d been sleeping in your old room. That night I tossed and turned, and in the morning I confessed everything. Your mother was upset, with good reason. She slapped me across the face and then told me to leave.”
I take a few moments to let his words settle in. “So, you only kissed her? It never went further than that?”
“No. But that was bad enough.” When his voice cracks, it makes my heart hurt. I don’t condone what he did, but in a way, I understand it. “I made the biggest mistake of my life and lost the best thing that had ever happened to me in the process.”
“Oh, Dad.” Reaching across the table, I cover his hand with mine.
“I miss her so much,” he confesses, bowing his head and wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.
He’s hurting just as much as she is. I may not know a lot about either of them, but any fool can see that they’re miserable without each other.
My father offers to drive me home after our long lunch, but I opt to take the bus. One, because I don’t want to upset Christine by having him near the house, and two, because I need time to digest everything he told me. I don’t know how, but I’m going to find a way for my parents to at least communicate. Stephen said after she kicked him out she refused to talk to him. I’m not taking sides—I sympathise with them both—but I think it’s time for them to forgive and move forward. Life is too short.
By the time I step off the bus, I decide not to say anything yet. I need time to think it through and come up with a plan.
“You’re home late,” Christine says when I walk through the front door.
“I stayed in town for a while.”
“That’s good. Would you like a sandwich?”
“No, I’ve already eaten,” I reply as I follow her into the kitchen.
