Page 25 of Nineteen Letters
“You know what?” Lucas says, slapping the palm of his hand down onto my desk, startling me from my thoughts.
My attention moves back to him. “What?”
“We’re shutting shop early today. I’m taking you out for a few drinks, and if you’re lucky, I might even buy you dinner.”
I appreciate what he’s trying to do, but going out is the last thing I want. “I can’t?—”
He cuts me off before I have time to tell him how far behind I am. I’ve barely accomplished anything today.
“No excuses.” He looks down at his watch as he rises from his chair. “Finish up what you’re working on, we’re leaving in ten.” I open my mouth to protest again, but he raises his hand to stop me. “Tonight’s happening, no ifs or buts. I miss my friend. Besides, we never got a chance to celebrate our big deal. We worked our arses off to land that contract.”
I can’t argue with that. He’s right on all counts. “Okay.”
“Good. You need this just as much as I do.” He gives me a satisfied nod before he turns to leave.
“Lucas,” I say when he reaches the doorway. “Thank you.”
“A bottle of your finest scotch, and two glasses,” Lucas says to the bartender before gesturing for me to take a seat on one of the black leather stools that line the long white granite bar.
This is my first time here, so my eyes are everywhere. The floor-to-ceiling bright yellow splashback behind the bar, paired with the lines of the black boxed shelves that adorn the wall, is striking. The perfectly positioned downlights make it all pop.
My first thought is that Jem would love this place, and that I must bring her here. Then reality hits. I used to love watching her eyes light up when we walked into somewhere new. She would have a notepad at the ready so she could sketch or take down notes of things that caught her eye. She was so passionate about her work and everything to do with design.
“How’d you find this place?” I ask Lucas.
It’s an enormous step up from where we usually go for drinks. It makes me wonder if he purposely avoided our usual haunt because of the memories it holds; or perhaps he chose this place because it’s more fitting for such a momentous celebration.
We’d dreamed of this moment for so long, and our hard work had finally paid off. Our relatively small architectural firm has suddenly been catapulted into the big league. It’s a shame that even now as I think of what this means for us, and our company, the excitement is lost on me. The axis of my world is no longer aligned, and until that’s rectified everything is going to feel out of kilter.
“One of our clients brought me here. It was when …” He flicks his hand to dismiss whatever he was going to say. “Never mind.”
I know whatever it was it had something to do with Jemma. I don’t blame him for not wanting to go there tonight. It’s been hard on all of us.
“We have a nice twenty-five-year-old bottle of Chivas Regal,” the bartender says, placing it down in front of us. “It’s six hundred dollars.” Lucas doesn’t even flinch.
He wasn’t wrong when he said the good stuff. We splurged on a bottle that was a fraction of that price the day we opened our company, but we were just starting out then, so there wasn’t a lot of cash. We’d thrown everything we had into getting it up and running. The bottle went four ways because Jemma and Rachel were both there to help us celebrate. I chuckle to myself when I think of that night. Jemma is such a lightweight, and after two glasses she was drunk.
She’s been by my side for every celebration, and every milestone since we were kids. It seems unjust not having her here.
Lucas passes the bartender our company credit card and pours a small amount into each glass. “To our continued success,” he says, holding his drink in the air.
I raise my glass and clink it with his before chugging down the smooth, ridiculously expensive amber liquid. Maybe a few more of these will help me get in the celebratory mood because right now it’s the last thing I feel like doing.
A few scotches in and I feel myself relaxing, but my faux pas with Jemma is still at the forefront of my mind.
“So, tell me,” Lucas says, refilling my glass, “what’s got you so down? Apart from the obvious, of course.”
I shrug, bringing the drink to my mouth so I don’t have to answer him. I don’t want to burden him with my worries.He’s got enough on his plate trying to single-handedly run our company.
“Hey, this is me,” he says, placing his hand on my shoulder. “There’s nothing you can’t say to me. I know how hard this is, and I’m worried about you. If you keep going on like this …” His words drift off, but I already know what he was going to say,“It’s only a matter of time before you break.”
If I allowed myself to give in to the darkness that’s crying out to me from deep within, then yes, I would; but that’s the thing—I won’t let it take over. I refuse to let this beat me. To beat us.
I throw back my scotch before placing the glass back down on the bar. I need to talk to someone. It’s a struggle trying to be the strong one. I can’t be that person tonight. I feel like everything I hold dear is slipping through my fingers: my wife, my dad. My world is crumbling around me and I don’t know how to make it stop.
“I’ve been writing Jem letters.”
I half expect him to laugh, but he doesn’t. He’s always given me a hard time about the depth of love I have for that woman. He doesn’t understand, not yet. Someone’s going to come along when he’s least expecting it and bring him to his knees. When that day comes, he won’t know what hit him.
