Page 67 of Finding Forgiveness
Chapter20
Connor
I’m surprised to find my sister in the apartment when I get home from work. I was only coming back here to change out of my suit. It’s been over a week since I’ve been to the gym, and I think a workout will do me good.
“Hey,” I say, placing my briefcase down and crossing the room to where she’s sitting. “Is everything okay? You look upset. Has something happened to Cassie?”
“She’s fine. I had a long talk with her today. She’s staying in a cabin on a farm. She helped a pig give birth to her piglets today … all by herself.”
“Wow,” I say, nodding my head once. “It’s not something I’ve ever imagined her doing, but good for her.” Although I meant it, those words taste bitter in my mouth.
“How are you doing? How was work?”
“Same, same, and I’m doing okay.”
She arches one of her eyebrows, sceptically. “Are you really? Because even Mason is worried about you. He said you were distant last night.”
I throw my hands in the air. “What do you want me to say, Jaz? That I’m struggling to come to terms with the fact that the woman I’ve loved for years has been lying to me? Or that I lost a child I didn’t even know existed?”
“If that’s how you feel, then yes.”
“There’s just so many unanswered questions.” My eyes dart to that damn letter that’s been haunting me. This morning I even considered throwing it away, but I knew I’d regret it if I did.
“You need to read the letter, Con.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“Cassie asked me about it today. I think you’re going to find your answers in there.”
“What if I don’t.”
“I’m pretty sure you will.”
“Do you know what it says?”
“No, but she asked me to be here with you when you read it. She’s worried about how you’re going to react when you find out the whole truth.”
“What does that even mean?”
“I don’t know,” she says as she walks over to the dining room table and picks it up. When she extends her arm towards me, I feel like I’m going to puke. “It’s time. You won’t be able to move forward if you’re stuck in limbo.”
Begrudgingly, I take it out of her hand and move over to the sofa. Jacinta follows, coming to sit beside me. My hands slightly shake as I tear open the flap. I don’t want to do this, but my sister’s right. I need answers, and this may be the only way I’ll get them.
I intake a large breath and hold it as I remove the letter and unfold it.
Dearest Connor,
First and foremost, I’m sorry. It’s been a heavy burden that’s been weighing me down for years. I knew the truth was going to hurt you, but that’s not why I stayed silent. You had a right to know, I’ve always felt that, but I had my reasons for not telling you.
That may seem like an excuse, but believe me, it isn’t. I was a kid when all of this happened, Con, we both were, and although I knew right from wrong back then, I believed my mother when she said she’d destroy you. Hence why I broke my own heart to protect you. And I’d do it again and again if need be, that’s how much you mean to me. My love for you has no limits.
The last night we were together, I knew I was pregnant. I’d known for a few days. It’s not something I could tell you over the phone, or via text, so I’d planned on telling you that weekend—face to face.
But when you drove me home that night, you were stressing about your end of year exams, and it didn’t seem right to put such a heavy burden on your shoulders at that time. This news was life changing for both of us. So, against my better judgement, I kept quiet.
Your end of year break was around the corner, so I decided it would be best if I waited. It’s one of my biggest regrets, because things may have turned out differently for us … for our baby, if I’d just told you then and there. I had no foresight to what was awaiting me when I walked through the front door of my house that night, I would’ve run straight back into the safety of your arms if I had.
That last sentence has me sitting up straighter in my seat. What happened to her when she got home? The next two words I read have a chill running down my spine.My mother.
