Page 7 of Finding Forgiveness
“I’m going to fuck you, and show you what you’ve been missing.”
And that’s exactly what I did until my sister walked in on us. Everything went to shit from there, and it’s been a downward spiral ever since.
Chapter3
Connor
My stomach is in knots by the time the taxi pulls up outside the hospital. I’ve yet to turn my phone off aeroplane mode because I’m afraid of what I might find if I do. My dad offered to pick me up from the airport, but I blindly made my way outside and jumped in the first available cab. My main goal was to get here as soon as possible.
I pay the driver and retrieve the small carry-on suitcase I brought with me before reluctantly heading inside. Being here brings back unwanted memories. The majority of my childhood was spent being shuffled between this very hospital and my grandmother’s house during my mother’s illness.
I still remember the last time I was here, when my father and I were forced to walk out these doors the following morning without her. Although she’d finally found peace, after many years of suffering, it did nothing to ease the trauma associated with her passing or fill the void her death left behind in both of our lives.
Sure, I have Grace now—my father’s new wife—and I adore her, she’s become a mother to me in every sense of the word, but I still get a pang in my heart when I think of all the shitty cards the woman that birthed me was handed. Those final hours of her life were the worst, especially for me. My father had tried his best to shield me from the harsh reality of her deteriorating health for the longest time—understandably so because I was just a kid—but that night was something he was unable to hide, and those moments still haunt me to this day.
I may have only been five years old, but it’s still so vivid in my mind.
My mother had woken up in the middle of the night coughing up blood, and instead of waiting for an ambulance, my dad knew it would be quicker if he took her to the hospital himself. I was left to hold a towel under her chin while my father drove, pleading with her to hang in there the entire time.
I’ll never forget the frightened look in her eyes or the desperation in my dad’s voice. I was so scared and confused.Fuck.I shake my head as I try to push that night from my mind because I can’t go there right now. I have no clue what I’m about to face when I get inside, but I need to keep my shit together.
When I enter the foyer, I bypass the reception area, opting to follow the signs that lead towards the intensive care unit. I know I’m being a coward, but it feels like my entire future is hanging in the balance, which is stupid considering Cassandra and I aren’t even a couple anymore. We may have hooked up a few days ago, but she gave me no promises of more. I was a means to an end … a distraction.
I blow out a long breath as I step into the lift that will take me to the floor I need to be on. I’m banking on the fact that she’s still up here … I refuse to even consider the alternative.
My hands are slightly trembling by the time I push the green button on the wall that opens the automatic doors that lead me into the ICU ward, and I feel immediate relief when I spot my dad sitting on a chair by the wall.
“Dad.”
“Connor,” he says, jumping to his feet. “I thought I was coming to get you from the airport.”
“I decided to get a cab. It was quicker. Where’s Mum?”
“She’s in the room with Cassie.”
“How is she?”
He runs his fingers through his salt-and-pepper hair, which is a clear sign that he’s stressed. “No change, the doctors did all they could, now we just have to wait and see. She’s young and healthy so …” I bow my head and clear my throat when his words die off. “I know, Son,” my dad says, placing his hand on my shoulder. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around it too … she was in a terrible state when we found her … why would she do this to herself?”
“I don’t know. I hope it has nothing to do with her and Jaz’s fight.” I’m already beating myself up about that.
“Your sister has been calling me every hour for an update, the poor thing is beside herself with worry … she’s flying down in the morning with Mason and Blake, maybe she’ll be able to get to the bottom of it.”
“Maybe.” I glance up briefly at my father before turning my head to look further down the corridor. “Am I allowed to go in and see her?”
“I don’t know. Your mum had to lie to the nurses by telling them she’s family.”
“Are Cassandra’s parents here?”
“No,” he says, frowning.
“Why the hell not?”
He rolls his eyes. “Her mother is in the hospital somewhere … she’s apparently in the middle of a surgery. We were told she asked the staff not to contact Cassie’s father.”
“Why the fuck not?”
“Your guess is as good as mine, Son.”
