Page 52 of Finding Forgiveness
Ugh. She is such a bitch at times.
On my mother’s insistence, I stayed in bed all day. Only getting up to use the bathroom and go downstairs for food. She’d left a sandwich and some cut-up fruit in the fridge for me, which equally surprised and pleased me. She wasn’t usually so thoughtful.
I rubbed my hand over my stomach and smiled, silently hoping that this child would bring us closer together. Finally giving me that mother-daughter bond I’d always yearned for. Just like the one Jacinta had with her mum.
I took the following day off school as well, and virtually rinsed and repeated the day before. I had no idea if Jacinta or Connor had reached out to me because I still didn’t have my phone back.
It was late in the afternoon when my mother entered my room again with another glass of water in her hand. “I have another vitamin for you to take,” she said.
I sat up and took it from her, completely unaware that this exact moment would turn out to be the biggest mistake I’d ever make. And believe me when I say I’d done some stupid shit in my time.
Within an hour, the pain started … excruciating pain. Like nothing I had ever experienced before. Those cramps were like period pains on steroids and I immediately knew something was wrong. It felt like someone was continuously slashing my abdomen with a razor blade.
I clutched my stomach and curled my body into a tight ball and groaned. “Mum … Mum!” I screamed and continued to call her name over and over, but she never came.
I somehow managed to slide out of bed, crawling towards the bathroom on my hands and knees. It’s where she found me a few hours later. Curled into the fetal position and soaked in my own blood. “What did you do?” I asked through racking sobs.
Her response was as calculating and cold as her. “I took care of it … you’re welcome by the way.”
Chapter16
Connor
I’m livid and so fucking hurt.She was pregnant.With my child no less.I can’t believe I’m finding out about it six years down the track.What a fucking joke.Did she lose it? The alternative is a place where I refuse to let myself go. She wouldn’t, would she?
I thought I knew her, but I’m realising now I never really did. She was an illusion … a figment of my imagination. I’ve put her up on a pedestal for far too long, but this news has knocked her straight off. The person I’ve loved for all these years wouldn’t do something so cruel.
I’ve been driving around in circles for hours. I’m supposed to be in court soon, but I’m too fucked up to care. I bang my hand down on the steering wheel three times. “Fuck,” I scream. Of all the scenarios I’ve imagined over the years, concerning our breakup, this certainly wasn’t one of them.
My phone rings in my pocket, but I ignore it. I don’t want to talk to anyone. Only when it ends and starts ringing again straight away do I think twice. As mad as I am at Cassie right now, I don’t want anything bad to happen to her. She was sobbing when I left, and considering what we went through a month ago, I feel compelled to answer it the second time.
I flick on my indicator and pull over to the side of the road. When I slide my phone out of my jacket pocket and see Jacinta’s name on the screen, I feel relieved, but also concerned to hear what my sister has to say. Did Cassie call her after I left?
I close my eyes and silently pray that nothing has happened as I accept the call.
“Con.”
“Hey.”
“Where are you?”
“Driving around in circles.”
“I just left Cassie, she’s a mess.”
“How the fuck do you think I feel? She was pregnant with my kid, Jaz … and I’m finding out six years later.”
The line goes silent before she says, “I’m so sorry, Con.”
“You have nothing to apologise for … you didn’t know.” My breath hitches in my throat as soon as I voice that. “You didn’t know right?”
“Of course, I didn’t know.”Thank fuck for that.I couldn’t handle a second betrayal today. “I’m devastated for you … for both of you.”
Wow.She’s devastated for Cassie?That might sound selfish, but she caused this mess.
“I’m sorry, Jaz but I can’t do this right now.”
“I understand. I just wanted to check you’re okay.”
