Page 102 of Finding Forgiveness
“You abused your position of power in the worst possible way. You were in a profession dedicated to saving lives, but you are not God. You don’t get the right to pick and choose what lives you save, and the ones you take away. You committed a despicable act, against your own daughter, no less.”That was just a small part of the judge’s three-page speech before her sentencing.
I’m pulled back to the present when the door on the far side of the room opens, and I have to do a double take when my mother is led out in shackles by the guard. The awful green colour of her prison attire doesn’t do anything for her. She looks nothing like the polished put-together woman I remember. Her once-long brunette hair is now cut short and almost completely grey. That would be a hard pill for Amanda Lewis to swallow. She had a standing weekly appointment with her hairdresser when I was growing up. Her appearance was everything to her.
Her face is void of emotion when she arrives at the table. She doesn’t even acknowledge me once she’s taken a seat. I wasn’t expecting her to if I’m being honest. Her once-flawless complexion is looking weathered and pasty. Her caramel eyes look lifeless.
She stares at me coldly across the table before finally speaking. “What are you doing here? Have you come to gloat?”
“No.”
“Then what do you want, Cassandra?” she queries, raising her nose in the air like a snob.
My left hand moves up to rub along the length of my throat which is suddenly feeling constricted. I shouldn’t have come here.
Her eyes move down to my hand and zero in on the engagement ring and wedding band on my finger. The faintest smile tugs at her lips. “You finally managed to snag yourself a rich husband, I see. Does he know you’re damaged goods?”
Her comment stings. “Actually, I married Connor.”
“Figures. Nobody else would want you?”
If a place like this can’t give her any humility, there’s no hope. “I was never interested in anyone else but him. You tried your best to keep us apart, but true love won out in the end.”
She laughs at that. “You stupid, delusional girl. There is no such thing as true love.”
“Not for narcissistic people like you there isn’t.”
“I loved your father.”
“You loved his career, his stature in the community … his money.”
She smirks because she knows I’m right. “You are smarter than I ever gave you credit for.”
“If I was smart, I never would’ve trusted you when you told me those pills were vitamins.”
“I was waiting for this,” she says, rolling her eyes. “I did you a favour, get over it.”
“You killed my child … your own grandchild.”
“You were sixteen years old,” she yells, banging her hand down on the table. “It would’ve ruined your life and our family’s reputation.”
And there it is.
It was never about me; it was more about her precious image.
My mind automatically goes to the sweet cherub faces of my babies who are waiting outside in the car with their daddy. Yes, I was young, but that child was a gift. “It was never your decision to make.”
“You were far too stupid to make it on your own, so I did it for you … and this is the thanks I get,” she sneers, waving her hand around the room. “Ungrateful bitch.”
I’m giving up time with the people I love, who love me back, for this … waste of air.
“Although you left scars on me that will probably never heal, in a way you did me a favour. I’m now free of your toxicity, and so is Daddy. He’s happy … happier than I’ve ever seen him. His fiancée is the sweetest … she’s beautiful on the inside and out, and she loves him very much.”
That knowledge has her sitting up straighter in her seat. “Your father is engaged?”
I refuse to even answer that question. She can stew on that news when she gets back to her cell. “Enjoy the rest of your life rotting in this hellhole, Amanda!”
This is the last time she’ll ever see me.
Abruptly standing, I give her my back. Tears sting my eyes as I walk towards the exit with my head held high. I’m free …I’m finally free.
