Page 101 of Finding Forgiveness
He leans in and kisses his niece’s forehead before whispering, “Going off the pill.”
“Oh, that.”
“I don’t want to put pressure on you, but we need to have our own little one of these, Princess,” Connor says, looking over at me with so much hope in his eyes I can’t hold it in anymore.
My hand caresses my stomach and I grin. “About that.”
Chapter31
Cassie
Three years later …
The nerves set in when Connor pulls into a parking space and shuts down the engine. I feel like I’m going to throw up.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asks.
“Yes.” I need to, so I can truly move on. The last three years have been crazy busy. Not just with our wedding—which we had on the farm in Mudgee—I’ve also popped out three babies in that time.
Our twins were born seven months after Emmy-Lou, and when I went back for my six-week examination, I found out I was pregnant again.Oops. My gynaecologist wasn’t impressed, but I simply said to her,“You’ve seen my husband, right?”She couldn’t exactly argue with me after that. I’ve always struggled to keep my hands off him, but seeing him dote on our children is as addictive as crack cocaine.
I lean across the centre console and place my lips on my man, and his hands instantly slide into my hair. “If you keep kissing me like this, I’m liable to knock you up again.”
My mouth curves against his. “I need at least two years of straight, uninterrupted sleep before I can go there again.”
Sleep deprivation is a bitch, but I’m lucky I have the best hands-on husband in the world. I’m not sure I would’ve made it through if it wasn’t for him. Especially when the twins somehow ended up on different schedules. Basically, while one was asleep, the other was awake. As hard as it was at times, I still revelled in the fact that I’d finally become a mother.
I got my second chance, something I’d been wishing for since I was sixteen years old, but instead of one baby, I was blessed with two.
Grace, who is now affectionately referred to as Mum, was wonderful; she came and stayed with us for an entire month after the birth. Even my dad stepped in to help. In the end, he hired me a part-time nurse, just to help lighten the load a bit. It was a godsend.
I breezed the second birth … one child seemed like a walk in the park after having the twins.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come in with you? We can take the kids back to my parents.”
“I’m sure.” This is something I need to do on my own. It’s been a long time coming.
I exit the car and move to the back door on the passenger side. Dakota, our youngest, is sound asleep in her car seat. There’s a pink dummy in her mouth, and I can’t help but smile as I look down at her sweet, chubby face as she sucks on it in her sleep. Not a day goes by that I don’t appreciate everything I have, but I still mourn for my child who never got the chance to experience life.
I lean down and place a soft kiss on her forehead before looking over at the twins. Our son, Axil, was the firstborn, and his sister, Blossom, came ten minutes later. Everyone was concerned about what we’d name our children, but they needn’t have been. Of course, we went with a theme, just not in the way they thought.
Since Connor and Cassandra both start with the letter ‘C’, our kids were given names in corresponding alphabetical order. ‘A’, ‘B’, and ‘D’. Will we get an ‘E’ one day? I can’t say, but if it never happens, I’m okay with that too. I’m blessed with what I already have.
“Mummy won’t be long,” I say, reaching further in to stroke both of the twins’ faces. Their little hands are clutched in each other’s, it’s something they’ve done since they were born. It’s the cutest thing. I love the special bond they have. “Daddy has snacks.” I look over at him and find him turned in his seat, grinning as he watches me with his children. “You packed snacks, right?”
“Yes, and a spare bottle for Dakota, water and juice for the twins, nappies, baby wipes, spare dummies, a bib, three extra sets of clothes, the thermometer and liquid Panadol in case any of them get a sudden temperature—”
“Okay, super-dad,” I say, cutting him off. “I get it, you’re Mr Wonderful.”
He chuckles as I stand to full height. “Good luck in there, Princess. I’m out here if you need me.”
I appreciate that, but my babies will never go any further than this car park. That woman lost the right to see any of her grandchildren.
My hands have a slight tremble to them as I walk towards the jail where my mother is being housed for the term of her natural life. She’ll never get the chance to taste freedom again and will die in this cold, concrete prison. That knowledge does not upset me one bit. She still gets to breathe in air every day … which is more than my poor baby got.
My hands wring in my lap as I wait for her to be led out. It’s been over two years since I’ve seen her. The last time was at her sentencing. She remained stoic and unremorseful throughout it all, and like the cold-hearted woman I know she is, not a single tear was shed when her freedom was taken away from her.
She got longer than any of us predicted, but I think her lack of remorse and her complete disregard of any wrongdoing was her downfall. She spent her entire time on the stand throwing mud at the wall, but nothing stuck because it was all fabricated lies. A pathetic attempt to save her own arse.
