Page 67 of Silver Fox's Christmas Scandal
When the smoke cleared, it would be easier, but for now, I had to settle for practical arguments that barely explained my irrational behavior.
At least that’s what I told myself. Really, I was terrified that if I confessed to loving her, she'd shut me down. Then where would I be?
"You want a child. I have the resources to support both of you comfortably. It makes more financial sense than paying thousands to a clinic for procedures that might not work." I leaned back in my chair, trying to project the kind of detached logic that had served me well in business negotiations. "Think of it as a mutually beneficial arrangement. You get what you want, I provide what you need, and we can work out custody arrangements that serve everyone's interests."
She crept closer and narrowed her eyes at me, probing me further. "Any donor would give me what I want biologically. Why offer yourself, specifically?"
I felt a surge of anger at the idea that she'd let some other man's semen impregnate her.
It wasn't rational at all, and I couldn’t exactly explain why. I just refused to continue this thing we were doing if she was pregnant with another man's baby.
And I had a million emotional reactions but not a single defense for any of them.
"If we're going to keep sleeping together, I don't want you having another man's child," I said finally, through gritted teeth. "Even an anonymous donor's. The idea makes me physically ill."
"That's not rational, Luci." That name… When she called me that, it did things to me and she knew it.
"No, it's not," I told her, "but I'm being honest." I stood and moved to the window, needing distance from her while I wrestled with emotions that threatened to overwhelm my self-control. "I just think it makes more sense." My logical mind kicked in. "You'll save fifty grand on the procedure alone." Now it boiled down to numbers, not her skin under my fingers or the feeling I got when I sank into her depths. "And you'll have emotional support during the pregnancy."
"And afterward, when there is a crying infant—you know, the one I want…" She moved closer to me, and I felt the air ripen with the chemistry that always bloomed when she was around me. "Are you saying you want a child too?"
It felt like lava had been poured on my face and chest, a heat so hot I almost fanned myself. "I'm saying, you want a child. I want to give you what you want in a way that saves you money." I turned to face her, and she was standing close enough that I could touch her. "We like having sex. You want a baby. I won't keep sleeping with you if you're pregnant by someone else. It's just?—"
"I accept your offer."
The words stopped me cold, relief and triumph and terror all crashing through my chest in tandem. I hardly dared to believe I'd heard correctly.
It wasn't the blissful feeling I felt when Viktoria announced she was pregnant.
It was mangled and conflicted and somewhat confusing. I needed to hear her say it again, or I would doubt this conversation even happened.
"You accept?"
"With conditions. We keep the nature of the baby's conception completely private at work. As far as anyone at Cross Capital knows, I got pregnant through IVF and chose to raise the child as a single mother." Her expression was serious, and I could tell she'd been thinking this over. "The baby's parentage stays between us."
I nodded, though the secrecy was a given, all things considered. Still, the knowledge that she'd said yes, that she'd chosen me over anonymous donors, made my heart explode.
I had to physically restrain myself from kissing her.
"Agreed. Complete discretion about the father's identity."
She lifted her hand and picked at a piece of lint on my jacket. "So, we're really doing this? Trying for a baby together?"
"We're doing this." The acknowledgement felt ironic, planning a life-altering event with someone who had no legal ties to me.
This wasn't practical.
It was emotional and complicated and dangerous to every boundary we'd tried to maintain.
But I couldn't examine it too closely without risking the fragile agreement we'd just reached.
She smiled then, the first genuine warmth I'd seen from her since this weekend's confrontation. "Then I guess we should seal the deal properly," she said, and I agreed.
The windows were still shuttered by blinds, and this beautiful, amazing woman just agreed to have my baby, as odd and complicated as that was. And I’d spent all morning agonizing over how foolish I'd been to demand it. Of course I wanted to kiss her.
I didn’t hesitate to lean down and press my lips to hers gently. "You're sure?" I asked.
"Positive," she whispered. "We can start tonight if you want."
