Page 51 of Devoted
“Holy shit!” Alek screams, hanging off the top of the changing room door before he hops down to join me in the room.
He’s gonna get us kicked out, Jesus Christ.
“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” I look at my brother through the mirror, and his bright smile and enthusiastic nod in return pull at my heartstrings. Guilt seeps into the happy moment quickly. There’s another reason I’ve been wanting to talk to Knight about our relationship. I’ve hated keeping it secret from my friends and family, except for Emma. She’s dragged into this now, too, though, and I can’t deal with the fact that Alek will be upset at her for it.
Truth be told, I know my brother. I know he’ll be more upset that I felt like I couldn’t tell him, versus the fact that I am with Knight. With everything he’s been through and the bumps he and Ezekiel had to face, Alek is the most understanding guy I know.
I just hope he also won’t hate me after I see our parents later today.
Knight came to me one night when he was spiraling; I guess it’s my turn now.
Knight Adler - Boss Text
Vivian
[attached voice note] I’m coming over, I need to see you.
Knight
The front gate will be open.
As expected, my secret dinner with my parents was a disaster. Among demands for me to “come home” and backhanded compliments about my appearance and line of work, I fucking had it.
Causing a commotion is the only thing that I could do for them to realize I was serious about never going back to their loveless home. A home where nothing was good enough, and any little affection I received was in exchange for what I accomplished. A home where they neglected me and my siblings.
I wasdone,and I made it clear I was not to be used as a pawn in their lives, and they were not to use my brothers as blackmail to keep me in their grasp.
Immediately after leaving the restaurant, I drove over to Thomas’ house, where I knew he, Rhett, Alek, and a few other guys were playing basketball in the backyard. Pulling my brothers aside, I let them know what was going on. How ourparents had been contacting me nonstop. How they had been threatening to practically upend my brother’s lives if I didn’t meet with them and discuss my going back to Utah with them.
What our parents intended to be a wedge in our sibling relationships made us even stronger. T started looking into restraining orders while Alek held me and talked me down. He recounted how our father had shown up at his house a few months back and how he was grateful for thinking to protect him and T, but it should never be my job.“We’re your older brothers, Viv. You shouldn’t have to hide anything from us.”
Alek’s words ring through my head as I pull up in Knight’s driveway. It was a huge relief to get the situation with our parents off my shoulders, but even after all that, my shoulders still feel heavy.
I can’t be a secret or keep secrets anymore. Not from the people I love, and I realize Knight is in that category now. I love him, and I’m his secret.
Knight races down the front steps, coming to hold me in his arms as he looks me over, barely giving me a chance to get out of my car.
“Vivian, what’s wrong?” he blurts the question, his eyes wildly roaming my face and body. I place my hand on his chest, trying to relax him a bit, when I know I’m about to drop a bombshell on him. His heart picks up pace underneath my palm.
Staring into stormy blue eyes, I whisper, “I love you.” I can feel Knight freeze. I can see his panic overtake him, but I need to continue. “I love you, and you aren’t required to say it back, but at least say we have a future together, Knight. One where we aren’t a secret. One where I can love you proudly.”
Knight looks like he’s in pain, eyebrows pinched together, and a long breath leaves his mouth, still open in shock. “I don’t know if I can be the one to provide that for you,” he murmurs, and I feel his hands begin to let go of my arms.
All I can do is nod and clear my throat of the urge to start crying. Sliding my hand down his chest, I take a step back toward the open door of my car. “If you can find a place for me in that grumpy heart.” I smile, but I know it doesn’t reach my eyes. “You know where to find me.”
Knight stays in place, silent as I start my car and drive off. Unfortunately, when I decided to drive up here, this is exactly how I imagined our interaction going.
He’s a man of secrets and doubts, not quick to open up and let anyone in… and I fell for him. But despite what he just said, there’s a bright spark of hope that he will let me in.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
KNIGHT
Christmas with a crank.
Turmoil. The last week and a half has been pure turmoil without Vivian. Christmas has approached, and I’ve been the Grinch in everyone’s holiday season. Trying, but failing, I’ve done my best to stay out of The Garden of Eden, but the temptation of getting just aglanceof her always wins.
And of course, being the dick that I am, I have been particularly terse with everyone at the office and the club. It hurts to see the disappointed looks of those I’ve grown close to. They must have thought I hit a new turning point after the ‘Talk Turkey to Me’ performance. And I thought I did, too.
