Page 62 of Allured
“Viv, let’s go, we’re getting milkshakes,” Emma announces, her hands full with her purse and Vivian’s fanny pack while she waits for my sister at the door.
“Oh fuck yeah, let’s go.” Viv hops off the couch super quickly for being as drunk as she is.
Upon passing Ezekiel, she grabs his forearm and tugs him towards her so that she can say something I can’t hear into his ear. He only offers a small nod in return but it makes Viv happy enough to smile and leave without another word.
“Do I wanna know what she said to you?” I ask, after hearing the door close and lock behind Ezekiel.
“She said she would glue glitter into my entire wardrobe if I didn't make things right with you,” he explains as he sits down on the couch, leaving a decent amount of distance between us.
“She’ll fucking do it, Ez.” I turn so that I am facing him. My body slouches against the soft cushions as I move back slightly, too afraid of how even now I want to wrap my arms around Ezekiel and pull him onto my lap.
“Well, I suppose it is a good thing I am here to explain myself. Threats of glitter aside, I know that I need to apologize for hurting you, Alek.” Ezekiel’s eyes shine as he speaks, glassy in a way I’ve never seen them.
“What about hurting your wife?” I ask, worry in my tone for the hurt I could have caused to her.
“Myex—wife, Alek. Elizabeth and I have been romantically uninvolved since the beginning of this year and officially separated in June. With the issue of our combined finances and inheritances, our divorce took longer than we had expected. Today is the day that it is official,” Ezekiel begins to explain. I sit still, listening and trying my best not to sway from the pitcher of margaritas Viv and I shared earlier.
“It was never something either of us wanted to announce to the world until things were properly severed, though those close to us have known our marriage was over for quite some time,” he continues. He only stops when he sees me open my mouth to say something.
“Why the hell wasn’t I one of those people, Ez? I think you’re kinda close to a guy when you’ve put your dick in his ass.” My words are a little harsh and I know it but the usual people—pleasing filter is gone right now. I need answers.
“As crass as you make it sound, you are correct. I should have told you but I selfishly kept the information to myself out of fear and from feelings of failure that plagued me at the time. It is no excuse, but when I first met you, Alek, a relationship was thefurthest thing I felt I needed at the moment. I look back now and consider myself a fool for many reasons; namely, for thinking the immediate connection between us was forgettable. Even when I tried to erase you from my memory.” A self—deprecating laugh escapes him as he runs his hands down his face and pauses for a moment.
“You are inevitable as death itself and you came at a time when I was so low nothing short of a rebirth would have saved me.”
Oh, fuck this man and his beautiful words.
“Ezekiel, I wish you would have trusted me to understand, just like I trusted you with my past when I fucking cried my heart out to you,” I speak the words softly, a lot of the fire I had in me has died down from my initial reaction when I ran away from his old lady neighbor.
“I know a simple apology will not earn back your trust, Alek. I had planned a special night for us tomorrow. I was going to reveal everything and show you exactly who I am and what I have been going through for the past few months. I was going to show you a house that was empty of so many possessions and memories, spaces I was hoping we could fill together. I was going to show you my journal entries about you and tell you how healing it has been to write about our love.”
Feeling painfully sober now, I let a trickle of tears fall down my face. Ones that had been gathering since the moment Ezekiel stepped into the apartment.
“Sweetheart…” His voice cracks and so does the dam struggling to hold back my tears. Fuck, I don’t want to be crying right now.
“Alek, please let me hold you,” Ezekiel asks and I just nod in response.
He wraps me in his arms, his body now pressed to the side of mine as he guides my head to rest on his shoulder. Crying hasalways been cathartic for me, but ever since my teens, I had only done it when I was by myself. Ihatedletting other people see me as anything but fun and flirty.
Crying doesn’t feel bad with Ez. Not when he’s holding me so tightly the physical pressure relieves the emotional turmoil I’ve been keeping in. The truth is, when I first heard that he was married, I knew, I fuckingknewhe didn’t have a relationship with his wife anymore.
There was no way the Ezekiel I knew would have lied when he bared his soul with his confession of love while he was still married.
What made me spiral this afternoon were the stupid doubts that crept into my mind any time I would think of the what—ifs or question his love for me.
As I sit there, Ezekiel’s lean arms stay wrapped around my frame as he lets me soak his shirt with tears and let it all out. I know there’s nothing this man wouldn’t do for me. It may take some time to quiet the voices questioning our commitment to each other but they are practically gone at this moment.
“Ez.” I sit up, wiping at my face with my t—shirt before looking my boyfriend in the eyes. His sapphire irises stare back at me, hanging on my whisper of his name.
“I’d like to see it all now. Your home. The journal. The spaces you want me to fill. Show me.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
EZEKIEL
A particular kind of love.
After agreeing to bring Alek to my home and texting Emma to let her know he would be staying at my house tonight, I practically had to force more water and a snack bar down his throat so that he would sober up a little before our ride.
