Page 60 of Allured
“I am happy for you too, Elizabeth,” I say. There’s no need to repeat any sorrowful feelings of regret or what—if scenarios. At this point in our journey, we have both come to terms with the fact that we simply were not one another’s true love.
Not another word is spoken between us as we step out of the car and head into our—my home. There are a few items Elizabeth has to sort through before I drive her over to her new apartment and we separate one final time.
Opening the door, a cheerful Peaches greets us. This tells me that she has been fed since she is not screaming or clawing at either of us to fetch her dinner.
“I organized a final copy of the divorce papers for you.” I lift Peaches into my arms and motion over to the top of the cabinet in the foyer.
Elizabeth nods to me in thanks.
“Would you like water or tea? The flight must have been exhausting for you,” I comment, walking over to the kitchen where I pause in surprise. Peaches takes the opportunity to leap from my arms onto the counter to sniff at the foreign objects I’m staring at.
On the counter, there are grocery tote bags. Some emptied and some holding what seem to be vegetables. I certainly did not leave these here before I left for errands early this afternoon. I have the mind to check my phone to see if I may have missed a grocery delivery or if Maude had left me some food, but I see nothing but a black screen. Not knowing when exactly my phone died today, I sigh and walk over to the charging port in the wet bar area. After the few virtual meetings I had this morning, I was so preoccupied with driving and seeing Elizabeth that I completely ignored the dead device.
As I am walking back to the kitchen counter, I see a note tucked underneath one of the bags. I can already tell from the handwriting that it’s from Maude.
Ezekiel, honey, I went ahead and fed your little Peachy girl this afternoon since I saw you and Elizabeth weren’t home yet. Please do have her come by to say hi. It’s been much too long since I’ve seen her. I put away the groceries the delivery driver dropped off for you at noon.
I pause, scrunching my face in confusion. I hadn’t ordered anything for delivery today. I continue reading.
I reckon a man as fit and good—looking as him should have been a model for a gym or something and not delivering groceries. Anywho– I put them away for you. Whatever you’re making, please do send a bowl over. It looks delicious already.
A wave of panic surges through my body.
Alek was here this afternoon to drop off groceries.
Alek met Maude and I can only assume she gossiped her little heart out to him.
No. No. No.
It was supposed to work out perfectly. Alek would come over tomorrow and everything would have been finalized and resolved. My life and my mind clear of anything that had been holding me back with him. I berate myself as I pace back and forth, it feels like I’m burning a hole into the tiles as I drag my feet over them.
“Ezekiel?” Elizabeth appears before me, clearly worried at the wreck of an impression I must be making.
“Elizabeth, I’m sorry. I just need a moment.” I take a deep breath and pinch at the bridge of my nose to calm myself. I need to talk to Alek but I know my phone is useless for at least a few minutes until it charges the minimal amount.
“I may have just ruined my relationship,” I blurt out and Elizabeth frantically motions for me to continue. Within a few minutes, I told her about Alek and the whirlwind of a love story we’ve had over the last two months. Her reactions were encouraging and reassuring throughout my retelling of events. She did not force me to hurry when my voice became weak, my words tough to physically speak as my throat constricted. Not once did I feel a pang of jealousy or doubt from her. It felt like when we were best friends before our marriage and the few years after we became wedded. Having her listen as I bared my emotions was more comforting than I could process.
“You love him,” she simply states and I nod. “Then you need to explain the situation to him. Ezekiel, I don’t mean to chastise you but this should have been something you told him upfront. Alek seems like a kind and understanding individual, why wouldn’t you tell him?” I know the anger seeping into her tone is justified.
“The failure of our marriage was still fresh when I first met him, Elizabeth. How could I have started something with him if I didn’t have closure from such a huge part of my life? I needed time to think. Time to be right with myself.” I rub my hand down my face, agonizing in the wait for my phone to turn back on.
“I tried to stay away from him. I did. I didn’t feel I was prepared nor was I deserving of someone like him when I was still healing from ruining my marriage to you. But something larger than me kept connecting us in ways that I can't explain. No matter how hard I tried, everything always came back to Alek.”
Elizabeth steps up and reaches toward my hands clasped in front of my face. She lowers them down and places them on the counter so that I have no choice but to look at her.
“Ezekiel. You did not fail me.Ifailedme,youfailedyou. And it’s up to us to make it up to ourselves and ourselves only. I don’t want an apology or any sorrow from you and I don’t want to be the one holding you back from someone you truly love. I know you wish the same for me.”
At that moment, my phone pings with the sound from the starting screen. Elizabeth leaves my side and walks over to remove my phone from its charger.
“Here, make your call and do whatever you must to get that man back. I’ll be packing the last of my items and asking Anna to pick me up.” She places the phone into my hand, the heat from the charger slowly bringing sensation back into my shaking fingers. I begin to unlock my phone while the sound of her footsteps retreats into the hallway.
“Thank you,” I call out to her. She responds with a soft sound of contentment.
Even through the hardships we faced in our marriage, Elizabeth was still friendly and caring with me. I knew then that this failure I kept perceiving was nothing more than an amalgamation of self—pity. If we could still care for each other in this way and wish each other the best in our endeavors, nothing was lost.
“You need to fix this!” Vivian’s voice pours through the speakers of my phone after I finally get an answer from Alek’s phone. After the third attempt at calling, I was afraid he wanted nothing to do with me. I was hoping to talk to him directly but uponhearing the enraged tone from his sister, I can safely assume that Alek is upset.
“Ez,” Vivian begins. Her voice sounds flustered and wavering. “We know you’re a great guy but it’s fucked up that you didn’t tell Alek you were still married. Why do you Adlers think that you can do everything onyourterms only?”
