Page 40 of Allured
“Did you, or do you still have feelings for him?” Ezekiel asks, his eyes wide in what I think is worry.
“No. Not like that. He was a client and I was providing a service and that’s all it was until we actually hit it off as friends.”
My angel nods slowly, his lips pursing together as he’s stuck in thought. So I continue.
“Like I said, it turned out he was just using me to get over a divorce. It was like that with a few of my clients, using me as a rebound for something that didn’t work out. It’s what I was good for.”
Ezekiel’s breathing picks up as a pained expression crosses his face.
“Don’t feel sorry for me, angel.” I move closer to him on the blanket, my hand reaching out to console him. “It was a job and I dealt with the emotions that came with it. It’s in the past.”
“You are not anyone’s rebound, Aleksander.” He says it with a determined tone, squeezing my hand back with equal force.
Ezekiel searches my face, his breath is still heavy, but now closer so that it brushes against my lips.
“You are everything and more. I am sorry that anyone has ever made you feel less than.”
It’s my eyes that round in surprise now, but I still can’t comfortably meet his stare.
“This isn’t a deal breaker for you?” I ask, confusion in my tone as I fidget with a fray in the blanket.
“Aleksander, your past is your past. It would be hypocritical of me to judge your history when we all have one of our own.” Ez raises his hand to cup my jaw and tilts my head so my eyes meet his. “I only hope that you knowthisis different.”
His last statement takes me by surprise. Of course this is different. I know that. Ezekiel has been nothing but open and understanding with me. I’ve never felt used by him.
“I know, angel. I trust you.” I relax into his hand, laying my cheek into his touch.
I notice the visible shake in his chest as Ezekiel lets out a ragged breath.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
EZEKIEL
Isn’t all just grapes?
The documents in my briefcase feel heavier than they did this morning, before Alek had picked me up and taken me to a scenic and revealing lunch.
Deep down I know I will never be able to erase Alek’s pained and defeated look from my memory as he disclosed his past. The momentary wide—eyed panic with which I responded certainly didn’t help the situation.
The truth of the matter is that I was scared at that moment as well. Not so much from the fact that Alek was involved with Knight, but more due to the way he had described his past. There wasn’t an air of shame, nor should there be, when he was sharing his truth. But it was the sense of sadness that came with it that alarmed me.
Sadness from how people have reacted to his past. Sadness from how he immediately thought we were through because of it.
Most of all, it was the sadness that came from his statement saying all he was good for was being a rebound.
The man I’ve been waiting for all of my life perceives himself to be less than and it torments me to think I could be a contributor to those emotions.
Our picnic date continued. The previous levity had been broken but a deeper, more meaningful, atmosphere surrounded us. Alek felt safe to share more of his past as he laid his head on my lap. The clouds above us were lazily forming into new shapes in the bright sky as I stroked the wavy hair at his temple.
Preferring to listen and still trying to process not only Alek’s past, but my own as well, I let him lead the conversation until it was time for us to gather our things and separate for the day.
I hope he didn’t notice the slight tremble in my hand as he held it during our ride to the university’s library or the desperate way I had clung to him while saying our goodbyes.
My lone drive home from campus after Alek had dropped me off felt ages longer than usual.
Closing my front door, I set my belongings down in the foyer. For now, I could pretend to forget what lies in my briefcase. It’s a matter of time either way, and I shouldn’t spend the weekend agonizing over it. The thought on the forefront of my mind instead should be how I am meeting my Alek’s family for the first time at dinner tomorrow.
“Cousin! I hear congratulations are in order, or rather, should we start with you thanking me for making this most fitting match?” Knight’s smirk can be heard through the phone.
