Page 28 of While Angels Slept
He lifted his hands in a helpless gesture. “It caused her more distress than she needs. The woman is still grieving over her husband. I have no right to demand her attention.”
Val fell silent a moment, listening to the sounds of the bailey as they drifted in through the lancet window. Then she looked at her brother pointedly. “Does she know everything?”
He looked at her. “About what?”
“About Louisa?”
He abruptly stood up, shaking his head. “There is no need to tell her that.”
“No need?” Val repeated, incredulous. “Tevin, just what do you plan to do with Cantia? Toy with her feelings and then leave her in despair? What exactly are your intentions?”
Tevin, having strolled halfway across the solar, suddenly stopped and looked at his sister. “I…I do not know,” he snapped in frustration. “All I know is that the woman makes me feel something I have never felt before. She has awakened a part of me that I thought was long dead. I cannot go a moment of the day without thinking of her. So you tell me what my intentions are, for truly, I do not know.”
Val wasn’t trying to agitate him, but she needed for him to think clearly. “You are not a man given to whims, Tevin. Make sure that what you feel for the lady is not simply opportunistic. She is a beautiful, grieving widow and you have felt responsible since the day of Brac’s death. Do not confuse passion with pity. You will do more damage to her if you do.”
His features flickered with hurt. “That is a cruel thing to say.”
Val lifted an eyebrow. “Is it? Or is it the truth and you cannot admit it?”
He sighed heavily, wandering over to where she sat. He sat down beside her heavily, his dark eyes dulled with bewilderment. Val put her hand over his.
“It’s not as if you can marry her,” she said softly.
He hung his head, staring at the floor. “It’s strange,” he muttered. “But that fact never bothered me until you just said it. Louisa has been gone so many years now that I do not feel married. I haven’t since the day she ran off.”
Val hated bringing up the old shame, but given Tevin’s train of thought, she had to. “She may very well be alive,” she said. “But then again, she may not. We simply do not know. But you cannot take the chance that she is still alive, somewhere.”
Tevin grunted, still staring at the floor. “The woman is not a part of my life, yet I am married to her.” He lifted his gaze from the ground, staring off across the room. “Until this moment, it never bothered me.”
Val squeezed his hand. “Then you feel something more for Lady Penden than simple pity,” she confirmed. “But whatever it is, you must stop. It is not fair to the lady. She is still young and beautiful and willmake some man a fine wife. You cannot let her fall for a man who will never be able to marry her.”
Tevin looked sharply at his sister. She could read the turmoil in the dark eyes and it pulled at her heart. She could already see that he was far gone for the lady. She put her hands on his face.
“Tevin, for her sake, you must stop this,” she whispered. “The death of her husband has already broken her heart. You cannot possibly think to destroy it further.”
He opened his mouth to argue with her, but just as quickly closed it. A sardonic smile creased his lips. “Louisa and I were so young when we married. I never even knew her until the day we said our vows. And after she left… I just forgot about her. I didn’t care. She left Arabel with me and that was all that mattered. Just so long as she did not take my daughter, I did not care where she went. But now… now I have, in the most unexpected of places, found a woman I would give up the entire world for and I cannot have her. The irony of the situation is unfathomable.”
“I know.”
“Nay, you do not. I want her, Val. I cannot stomach living the rest of my life without her.”
“Then it would be only as your mistress, not your wife.”
“She is far too worthy to be a mistress. She comes from a long line of consorts to kings. She deserves more.”
“More than you can give her,” Val said.
His gaze was piercing. “I can give her everything but marriage.”
Val didn’t say any more. She had said her piece and the rest was up to her brother. Mostly, she couldn’t say any more because she could see the pain in his eyes. Whatever he was feeling was consuming him. He needed time to sort it out.
“Well,” she stood up stiffly, favoring her torso. “We can talk about this at another time. I fear you have much on your mind with the approach of Geoff.”
He stood up next to her. “You and Cantia must leave before Geoffgets here. I do not want either of you here with him around.”
Val nodded in agreement. Her cousin could not control himself around women, even a blood relative. “Where shall we go?”
Tevin thought a moment. “Rochester has other holdings, including the fiefdom of Gillingham. I shall ask Lady Penden about it. Perhaps she knows of a place you can go until the storm blows over. In fact, I’ll send Myles with you. I’m not sure he should be here when Geoff arrives, either.”
