Page 160 of Scent to the Feral Cowboys
The walls around my heart crumbled a little more.
God, how quickly I was forgetting my anger.
How rapidly I was abandoning my plan to leave at the first opportunity.
How easily I was slipping into the rhythms of ranch life.
How naturally I was falling in love with these men.
I glanced at Boone, suddenly desperate to fill the silence, to distract myself from the war raging inside me. "I haven't thought about Eros in days," I blurted out, immediately regretting the admission.
Boone's stride didn't falter, but I caught the slight tensing of his jaw. "Is that a bad thing?"
The question hung between us, deceptively simple.
"I don't know," I said finally, my voice small. "Part of me is angry at myself. It’s been five days and I’m—” I cut myself off,kicking a stone in my path, wishing I could kick away my feelings as easily. “Have they really not emailed?” I changed the subject.
“They really haven’t.” He answered, voice firm and honest.
I sighed. “That makes me…”
“Makes you what, Nelly?” Boone said my voice like a prayer. Like he was crossing everything he could—fingers, toes, silken hair—that my next words would be what he’d been waiting to hear, whatever that might be.
My heart beat several times before I could answer.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
“Part of me wonders if no answer from Erosisthe answer. If maybe…” I let that ‘maybe’ hang in the air, completing the thought only in my own mind.
If maybe I was meant to be here after all.
The thought terrified me. Not because I couldn't imagine staying, but because Icouldimagine it. I could imagine it all too easily now. Could picture mornings in the kitchen with Cooper's pancakes, afternoons helping Wade with the animals, evenings reading with Levi. I could see myself becoming part of this place, this pack, in ways that seemed impossible just days ago.
Give me the strength, I thought,to not kiss this man beside me. I really, really want to right now.
"What does it say about me," I blurted out, not really expecting an answer, "that I could so quickly forgive and forget? That I could so easily start to feel at home here?" I swallowed hard, unwilling to fight the fire blooming in my chest when I thought of these five men, this ranch, this unexpected life. Was it just my Omega nature? Were these unstoppable feelings manufactured by biology or were they real?
Boone remained silent for several steps, his expression unreadable. Then, so quietly I almost missed it: “It says you’restrong, Nelly. And that you belong here. You’ve always belonged here, even when none of us knew it.”
His words made my throat tighten. In my head, I’d been calling myself horrible names. Weak. Worthless. A waste of oxygen. He saw it differently.
Desperate to change the subject before tears threatened, I said the first thing that came into my head. "That language you were speaking to Dolly was beautiful."
A small smile softened his carved features. “Arapaho. Not many know it these days.”
"Wade said you grew up on a reservation?" I prompted, genuinely curious.
Boone nodded, his pace slowing as we approached the stables. He reached out, pulling one of the doors to the side. “Wind River. I still have family there. Our Northern Arapaho tribe shares it with the Eastern Shoshone. It’s been that way for over a hundred and fifty years.”
"Do you miss it?" I asked as we pushed into the stables, Boone leading me to the very back, and a door I’d never explored for some reason. When he pushed it open, a half bathroom came into view.
As I walked inside to wash up, Boone finally responded. Only, it wasn’t to answer my question but instead ask one of his own. “Take a ride with me, Nelly? The sunset is beautiful by the big lake.” His voice was so soft, so suddenly unsure. By his expression, I could tell that Boone expected me to refuse him. And that was fair, given that each time one of the men brought up riding, I turned them down.
I knew going riding with him meant more attachment, more reasons to want to stay when I should be planning my exit strategy.
