Page 137 of Scent to the Feral Cowboys
“Green motorcycle, no sidecar,” he adjusted.
I imagined Boone on the back of a motorcycle. Braid whipping behind him as he rode. “That must have been abigbike.”
“Actually, it was too small for him. Guy basically rode with his knees hitting his chest. Sold it a couple years back.” Wade’s pace slowed, and I followed suit. “Before Boone met Levi and Coop, he was in a relationship. He thought it was forever. It wasn’t.” Wade gave a slight shrug.
I bit my lip, digesting his words as I stared down at the ground. Finally, I responded. “Losing something you didn’t think you could lose is… more than just pain. You sort of go into shock.”
Wade nodded slowly, agreeing with me. “The rest of us have lost family, struggled with individual loneliness, the ranchfinances, our stupid choices. But Boone…” he paused, rolling his shoulders and gathering himself to speak again. “I can’t imagine losing a scent match. He says being rejected by someone who feels like your soulmate is like getting your heart literally ripped out. He’s been with us a long time now, though. He likes to say the pain never goes away, and it doesn’t fade like some folks think. We just grow around it. We grow over it. We grow until the memory of the hurt is so deep under the skin that we can ignore it easier.”
“Grow over the hurt,” I murmured mostly to myself. “I think there are some memories that can’t get deep enough, though, even with a million layers of skin.”
“Maybe so,” Wade said slowly, “But Boone’s healed. I didn’t see him in college of course, but he was still pretty broken back then. Says Coop and Levi made him happy for the first time since being rejected. Those three love the hell out of each other.”
“They’re together?” I asked, my interest only building instead of being satisfied.
“We’re our own Slickback Mountain around here,” he quipped, genuinely smiling. “And, full disclosure, I sometimes make their trio a quartet. Wyatt really got the short end of the stick. He and I’ve got this hang up about,” Wade paused, cheeks pinking, “being in intimate situations together.”
He glanced over at me, maybe to see my reaction. I met his eyes and smiled, so he’d know I was unfazed. Even if he’d said their pack was all entwined in that way, I wouldn’t care. At some point along the way, living and loving and breaking and healing, I’d decided that people should lovewhoandwhenandhowthey wanted.
We kept walking in comfortable silence, halfway to the building now.
“I’ve only dated a few Alphas,” I admitted, though I wasn’t sure why the hell the omission was coming out of my mouth, “And only one seriously. He was a cheating asshole though.”
“Someone cheated on you?” Wade asked in surprise.
“Really not that hard to imagine,” I countered.
“You don’t know how wrong you are, Nelly,” he mumbled the words, like they were only meant for his own ears.
My mind drifted to Imperial, and to the man I once thought wasmyforever. I couldn’t fully understand Boone’s pain, Geoff hadn’t been a true scent match, but it was love of a sort. On my part, at least. For him, I was only temporary. I think, looking back, Geoff’s interest in me revolved around our matching talent. We fit in the way high school quarterbacks always get the head cheerleader. After my injury, he’d simply traded me in for someone still on his level. And, yeah, that rejection hurt like hell.
We continued at a brisk pace; the rain was still falling, darkening the Earth beneath us.
“I can’t believe someone would reject Boone,” I meant to think the words, not say them out loud. But it just seemed so crazy. The guy was objectively handsome, and he seemed fundamentally good.
“I’ve only read stories about mate rejection.” Wade shoved his hands into his pockets and didn’t say anything more. He walked a little faster though, and I had to pump my legs to keep up now. A breeze tried to kick the hat off my head, and I clamped a hand down on it quickly. My hair escaped though, unfurling down the damp back of the jacket.
“What was his first scent match like?” As I asked the fresh question, I knew it was going too far. I was just trying to picture the other Omega.Would an Alpha only scent match with similar kinds of people? Did they look like me? Did they act like me? Why was I so curious to know?
I kept telling these men that I wasn’t staying here.
So why should I care about their pasts?
But knowing one of them had already endured rejection from a mate made leaving them a little harder. What would it feel like to reject them? Would Boone suffer the way he had before? Would I cause him pain?
We were at the building now. Wade reached out, fingers curling around the metal handles of the double sliders. “If you want all the details, you’ll have to talk to Boone.”
“Fair enough,” I admitted as he pulled the oversized doors apart, revealing stables. “What’s your pain then?”
I watched as Wade’s posture stiffen, but he kept moving into the stables, walking until he was at the center of the hall-like space between horse enclosures. I stopped too, a few feet away from him. He leaned over, hanging his head and giving it a shake. Water splattered around the stables, darkening dots on the wood floors and stall walls. When he stood, he tugged at his jeans and stomped one foot after the other, dislodging more rain. Then he was slow turning, pulling the sides of his shirt away, trying to flutter the material and gather air to help it dry out a bit.
“I shouldn’t have asked,” I said quickly, before his expression came into view.
I used to be obedient and disciplined. I ate what I was supposed to, at the right time of day. I got to rehearsals early, and I was the last to leave. If the director said I needed to do better, I worked to improve until I thought my bones would break.
Wade just stared at me, his hair curling as lingering rain dripped onto his shoulders. His expression was unreadable, and I found myself wanting to know exactly what he was thinking.
Why do I care?
