Page 85 of The Friendship Variable
She grins at me. “I need a breather. Want to go outside?”
I nod. This is it. This is my chance to lay it all on the line, and I’m going to take it. No regrets, no second-guessing.
It’s now or never.
CHAPTER 35
Claire
Ryan pushesthe doors of the ballroom open, and I take in a deep breath of the night air.
This evening has been everything I hoped it would be. I’ve let myself enjoy being with Ryan, not overthinking anything. Because he’s my friend. Nothing more, nothing less. I can have fun with him, being silly and laughing and cracking jokes, without it meaning anything else.
I can also notice how incredibly handsome he is, right? How the blue in his suit brings out his eyes, and how the cut of his jacket highlights his lean but muscular surfer physique?
We step out into the warm air, and Ryan leads us around the corner to a semi-private spot. I ignore the way my heart is racing at his nearness and chalk it up to all the dancing we’ve done. I’ll pretend I didn’t notice his eyes when he saw me tonight, the way his gaze lingered on my dress and the fire in his expression when he looked up at my eyes.
The same way he’s looking at me now.
“I haven’t had this much fun in months,” I say lightly, still a little out of breath. I look at Ryan, expecting to see him with a big smile on his face, but he looks unusually serious. “Ryan?”
His eyes look straight into mine, and he shoves his hands in his pockets.
And his words wipe the smile off my face. “I’m in love with you, Claire.”
I feel my mouth drop open and my eyes widen, my levity completely shattered into shock.
We stand there staring at each other, and I try to think of what I’m supposed to do or say right now. But Ryan fills the silence. “Look, I know this isn’t what you expected. Or maybe it is?” He inhales sharply. “Do you… Do you remember what you said to me? When you were sick?”
I’m still mute. I shake my head.
“You said we made a good team. You said we were different people, but that we worked well together.”
“Yeah, but that just means we’re good friends,” I say softly, finally finding my voice.
“And then you said we’d make pretty babies, prettier than Shawna’s baby, whatever that means. And that I’d make a good father, and Zach wouldn’t.”
I wince. I have no recollection of saying that, but unfortunately, the words ring true.
Ryan steps toward me. “Claire, I’ve known how I feel about you since the day we met. You’re my perfect match in every way. But you told me you had a boyfriend, and I’ve just been waiting, biding my time until you finally realize that he wasn’t the one for you. That I am. But then you got engaged and I got scared and started dating, and then Chase told me to go for it, and?—”
“You told Chase about this?”
Ryan pauses. “That’s not important. The point is that I’ve been waiting for you for three years, and I can’t let another minute go by without telling you how I feel. That no one out there holds a candle to you. That watching you be with someone else is slowly killing me, and if you married him without knowing how I feel, once and for all, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.”
My heart is pounding out of my chest, and my lungs feel like they can’t get enough air. I reach around and find a rail behind me, leaning my back against it. I press my hands to my stomach, trying to take breaths in and out.
Ryan reaches a hand out to my waist, steadying me. “Are you all right?”
“I just need a minute.”
To his credit, he waits patiently. He doesn’t move his hand from my waist, though, and I feel it burning through my dress to my skin.
Okay. Okay. I can think through this logically.
Just a few weeks ago, I admitted to myself that I’ve had a crush on him for the last few years and felt like I needed to pull away. But that was just a littlecrush. It wasn’tlove.That would be absolutely ridiculous. I can’t be in love with someone other than my fiancé.
Maybe Ryan’s just exaggerating his feelings for me.
