Page 73 of The Tsarina's Favorite
“I should never have doubted you.”
She squeezed my hand.“How do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“I didn’t even tell you anything, and you still managed to cheer me up.”
“Now you see why the tsarina keeps me around.”
“I hate her.”
“All the hate in the world won’t change anything," I said."But I hate her too."
“You have cause.”
“Tell me — what happened?”
“The tsarina heard petitions today.”
“That’s why it was so busy.”
“I asked her if I could go home again.I explained how useless I am to her household and to her court, no longer fitting properly within the hierarchy since I had been left a widow.Altania would be better provisioned to look after me, maybe find me another husband, and let me start a proper family.I thought she might understand, being a widow herself and stuck in Talvia for such a long time.”
“She declined your petition?”
“She left her chair and slapped me in front of all assembled for wasting her time.Then she berated me for expressing such discontent after the years she spent hosting me, and that she’s ultimately doing me a favor because no one would have me again as a wife.”
“That’s her own fear speaking.No one wanted her, and she couldn’t bear to let you get married again while she could not.”
“How do you know that?”
I found myself without a way to answer that wouldn’t give me away.
“I pay attention,” I said, hoping that would be enough.“You hear much when everyone thinks you cannot understand.”
She nodded and dropped her gaze to her lap, to our hands.
“I just want to go home, Kaylay.”
“Don’t we all,” I said, intentionally rhetorical, but she perked up.
“Where do you call home?”
I cursed my idiocy.I did not want to have to invent a backstory, lie to her, and remember the tale I told.
“I used to live in paradise and now I live in torment,” I said, that at least no lie.
“Any family?”
Alexei didn’t count anymore, did he?And neither did any of the other numerous Karilitsyn aunts, uncles, and cousins.But Irena blotted out all thoughts of anyone else.
“I had a...a mate,” I admitted, only barely managing not to use the term “wife” because it would give too much away.
“Like you?”
“No.Beautiful.Like an angel.And she teased me like a demon.”
“That sounds apt.”Alaina grinned.“Where is she?”
