Page 28 of The Tsarina's Favorite
“A woman true and fair,” I said, although I didn’t believe it.
Her hand and arm turned a becoming shade of pink.
I hated her and her flimsy declaration of persistent adoration.I hated them all for being so hypocritical, for treating me so shamefully, and in the next breath pretending to be horrified at such treatment.I would have had more respect for any of them if they had hated me consistently rather than bending with the breeze of public opinion.Indeed, I had more respect for Princess Alaina not wanting to associate with me than if she had been open and receptive because those around her deemed it acceptable.
Mostly, I hated myself for the misguided desire of wanting to return to the pitiful ranks of the inconstant.I had known authenticity with Irena.And now, as one of the jesters, I had known it with them.The jesters were finer people in every capacity than any Ilyichian noble.I could never go back now.
“I never imagined the darling of the ball would be my jester,” the tsarina said, approaching us accompanied by the ambassador.
“He has been so entertaining,” Ekaterina said, withdrawing her hand from my grasp as if she had done something forbidden.“And he has not failed to make us laugh.”
“I am delighted to hear it,” the tsarina said, not delighted at all.
Ekaterina departed while I bowed politely to the tsarina and the ambassador.
“My word,” the ambassador said, studying my costume.“What strange fowl you have here.”
“Indeed, Ilyichia is a strange country,” I responded.“Firebirds fill the sky.Princes become birds.Winter lasts all year long.Palaces are rendered in ice.”
“I saw the foundations for the ice palace earlier today,” the ambassador said, latching onto the only statement that made sense to him.“It should be quite a marvel of the modern world.”
“Indeed, a wonder,” I agreed.“All of Ilyichia is a wonder.I constantly wonder how it can be so mismanaged and still remain.”
“Pay no mind to my fool,” the tsarina explained.“Mikhail used to be one of my courtiers, but he displeased me.He still has not learned his lesson.”
“To the contrary, I have, ma’am,” I said.I turned to the ambassador.“I have learned that displeasing the tsarina is so easy to do that I caution you, Ambassador, to smile and say ‘yes’ to whatever she wishes, else you might join me in creating her very own flock.”
“Mikhail,” the tsarina said in warning as her face turned an unbecoming shade of red.
I should have kept my mouth shut.I should have submitted and let her think that she had cowed me.I should have backed off to live to fight another day.But I didn’t.I had gained ground and so, stupidly, I pressed my advantage.I couldn’t even blame it on drink.
“Of course, you probably don’t have anything to worry about,” I told the ambassador.“She only tries to humiliate the men she can’t bed.”
“Guards!”The word rang off every marble tile and crystal prism.
“What are you going to do?”I asked.“Strip me of my title and make me your jester?”I laughed.I couldn’t stop laughing.
“Guards!”she shouted again.
Several guards materialized, and they grabbed my arms when she pointed in my direction.They forced me to my knees, but I just continued to laugh.
“Mikhail!”
I glared at her with devilish glee because I was free now.Drook was right.All I had to do was let go of my shame.
“You can degrade me, treat me like shit, and dress me up however you like,” I said, “but I can take it off.”I curled my lip with all the disgust she had sent my way over the past few months.“You’re a bitter, angry woman because you’re miserable and ugly all the time.”
The tsarina stared down at me, her thoughts inward as she contemplated my fate, and then she smiled.
