Page 3 of The Tsarina's Favorite
She raised her hand and placed it on my face, brushing my cheek with her thumb.Although not an old woman, she wore her age poorly, the creases of displeasure and dissatisfaction deeper than I recalled, the creases around her mouth betraying a lifetime of scowling even if she currently schooled her face into something attempting pleasant.
“I have missed you so,” she admitted.“My Allemandian’s skills pale in comparison to yours.”
“Skill can be acquired.”
“But he can’t acquire your humor or your bite.”
“Give me but a few days and I can show you a dozen witty, elegant men in your court.”
“They won't have your beauty.”
“It is fading.”
“Good thing I still want you even without it.”
I shivered.
“I want you to become my lover again,” she whispered.
She released me and retook my arm, directing us back to the audience chamber through the gardens.
“While you were in prison, I had rooms readied for you.And I sent for your things.You can move in immediately.”
My back stiffened.When we had been lovers before, it had been occasional, casual, and done from obligation.When I escaped Ilyichia, when I escaped her, I vowed that I would never let myself be used like that again.And yet, what choice had I?
The doors that led back to the audience chamber loomed ahead of us.If I stepped through those doors and into the audience chamber with her on my arm without saying anything, I would condemn myself to a future of sexual servitude until either she or I died.
I could not allow that to happen.
Just before the doors, I stopped walking.She took another step before she realized I was not following, and she turned to me, her brows furrowed.
“Your Majesty, I....”My throat constricted.“You’ve been very kind,” I started, easing her into this, although a stint in prison was not my definition of kind.“I appreciate everything you have done, ma’am.”Words aimed at survival tumbled from my mouth.“I have missed being at court and being in your presence.I long to serve you however you see fit, but....”I held her gaze, praying that she understood my sincerity and listened to me as she had once pretended to do.“Anna, please understand.I cannot become your lover now.”
“But I’ve done everything for you.”The excited animation of her plans for my future as her bedmate collapsed into confusion.“Everything.”
“I know,” I assured her.I let go of her arm and took her hand with both of mine.“You’ve been so generous and so thoughtful to consider all my needs.But I am still grieving.I need time.I do not wish to disappoint you, but I will since I cannot be all that you would have of me.”
“You will not be my lover?”
The word, though expelled in a whisper, came out clear and sure.“No.”
Her mouth opened just a little.She tore her eyes away from me and blinked several times in succession.Her composure returned, if not any indication of warmth.
I ventured, “You do understand, don’t you?”
“Yes, I understand.”She took my arm and then turned back to the doors.
We walked through the doors together and into the audience chamber.This time, those gathered paid me more attention, and most of them wrinkled their noses at me.
“I believe you all remember Prince Mikhail Alekseevich Karilitsyn.”The tsarina released my arm and turned to me, her hands folded in front of her.“Indeed, how could anyone forget him?”
Small noises came from the crowd, murmurs and rumblings of recognition passing through them like an illicit love note.
“I thought to forgive him for his transgressions,” the tsarina continued, “but upon my conversation with him, I am questioning his faithfulness and therefore his worthiness of my mercy.”
“I have always been faithful,” I protested.“To you.To Ilyichia.I served in Ilyichia’s military, ma’am.I took my state marriage vows seriously.I do not take upon such commitments with a half-heart.”
“Oh yes, you just love marriage, don’t you?”
