Page 107 of The Tsarina's Favorite
“She spoke of a procession,” she mused.“Surely her guards couldn’t keep us defended in such a crowd.Could we appeal to the people?Might they help us?”
“With the way they have been subjugated?All the pointless public executions?That’s why she arranged the winter festivities and the ice palace anyway — to distract from their discontent.They might take more delight in seeing the downfall of nobles than become inspired to rescue us.”But as soon as the words were out of my mouth, the implication of them chilled me with the use of “nobles” and “us.”
Alaina mercifully did not think anything of it.
“If they won’t help us,” she mused, “maybe we could just slip into the crowd and disappear?”
“Maybe you could, but I doubt that I would be able to blend into a crowd.”
“And I’m not going anywhere without you.”
“I need you to save yourself,” I told her as I rubbed my temple against the top of her head in place of the kiss I would have rather bestowed, “if indeed that’s what it comes to.”
“I refuse.”
“You have a destiny, Alaina.”And she did.In Altania, she would be a magnificent ruler, just and compassionate and strong, schooled by the cruelty of her own captivity in Ilyichia and the example of rulership that would hopefully form her in a more effective way.“In Altania, you are going to have a beautiful, fulfilled life with children if you wish it, and a new husband too who will know your worth and adore you above everything.As you deserve.Eventually, your time here will seem nothing more than a distant, unpleasant dream, and you will forget all about your strange Ilyichian bird.”
“I could never.”She pulled herself from my arms to roll onto her back and glare at the ceiling.“I don’t like how you talk.”
“If I ever said something you liked, then I would know something was truly wrong.”
She pushed herself up to sitting and drew her legs up to her chest.She fussed with her hair, pushing it out of her face, twisting it into a long rope, and then throwing it behind her shoulder.She stared at the blankets in front of her.
I sat up too and scooted closer beside her.
“Even if I somehow managed to make it out of Ilyichia alive — and right now that seems extremely unlikely — do you really think I could forget you, Kaylay?”
“I hope you will,” I admitted.“That would mean that you would have a full and happy life, and you wouldn’t be thinking about the past.”
She reached out and put her hand on top of mine.She traced one of my fingers with hers.
“I had another gift for you,” she admitted, “something you could have even if I couldn’t be with you during the days.It seems a bit pointless now since we’re about to die together.”She looked up at me, her eyes red-rimmed as if she might burst into tears with the slightest provocation.“Can I still give it to you?”
“If you wish to bestow it, even if the purpose behind it is no longer necessary, then I will receive it gratefully.”I did not dare tell her that I did not require or want presents lest she misconstrue it as a rejection.“I treasure the thought behind all your gifts.”
The corners of her mouth lifted even if she did not smile.She squeezed my hand and then slid from the bed, taking a blanket with her that she wrapped around her shoulders.She disappeared into her dressing room for several moments and then returned.She climbed back into bed and knelt facing me, her hands cupped.She opened them like a child might reveal a secret pet, like a frog or a mouse, hidden from the adults and intent on keeping it that way.On her palm lay a golden band, the exterior design enameled in green, a thread of gold weaving through like a vine, tiny inlaid rubies serving as flowers dotted along.
“Finist the Falcon had a magic ring,” she said, “and since you insist that you are not he, I wanted you to have your own ring, even if it isn’t magic, embellished with scarlet flowers.”
I stared at the small marvel of metalwork robbed of words.
“I’ve been a little scared to give it to you,” she confessed.
“Why?”
“I worried that you might think I wanted something from you.”
She was correct.I would have.
“I hope it’s big enough,” she said.“The court jewelers regarded me like a mad woman when I told them what I wanted, but I think they did it rather well.”
Practicality swept in before I had finished processing the magnitude of such a present, almost as if to spare me from having to confront it.
“You don’t have those kinds of funds,” I said, awed and equally inclined to regard her as a mad woman.
“I had them use some of my own jewelry.And, really, does it matter now?In fact, I am more glad than ever that I did it.What use are jewels and funds and finery now?At least I can give you this.If you’ll have it.”She nibbled her bottom lip and then blushed.“If you’ll have me?”
My heart stopped beating for the same duration as my lungs stopped taking in air.
