Page 105 of The Tsarina's Favorite
“Never.”
“This is my fault.I should never have written home.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I assured her.
“I always thought I would face a beheading block or sword if brought to an untimely end,” she mused.“I doubt anyone has heard of death by palace of ice.”She gulped and met my gaze.“We are going to die, aren’t we?”
“Very likely.”
Alaina squeezed my hands and then released them.She sat, quiet and thoughtful, hands resting on her lap.Then she remembered I was there and redirected her attention to me.
“I’m so sorry you’re part of this, but, and this is selfish of me —”
“I would expect nothing else, princess.”
A corner of her mouth quirked up.“I’m glad I won’t be alone.”
“You won’t be alone,” I promised.
She raised her hand and placed it on my cheek, stroking it with her thumb.“You’re taking this all very well.”
“A life in a collar is no life.”
Her hand slid down my face and rested on said collar.
“Kaylay, I....”
I silently pleaded with whatever forces ruled the universe that she not say it.To be unmasked now, when we needed each other so much, would be a cruelty beyond expression.
But wouldn’t it be nice to hear it, just one more time, by someone I loved?
“Yes, Alaina?”
“I...”She faltered.Her hand dropped.“I’m sorry.I’m embarrassed to say it.”
My heart gave a traitorous little leap in my chest.
“There’s no need for embarrassment,” I assured her.“What is it?”
“I want you.”She leaned forward and kissed my cheek.“And you told me that you want sometimes.I want you to lie with me.”
If I had not been hoping for a more maudlin sentiment to be uttered from her lips, I would have gauged her suggestion accurately.Instead, in the absence of what I wanted to hear, I blinked at her.
“But I do lie with you.”
“Lie with melie with me.”She took a deep breath to gather her courage and nerve.“Bed me.Like the tsarina said.”
A thousand excuses why that would be impossible lined up, waiting for me to verbalize them, interspecies relations and potential bestiality foremost among them.But the tsarina had also told me when I first discovered my suit of feathers that I was still a man, just in a costume I could not remove.And the man still longed for things the bird could never attain.Yet, here was Alaina, offering the bird the sweet physicality and a glimpse of paradise only the man had ever known.
“Why?”After the word had escaped me, I did not think I wanted to know the answer.“Surely not for the sake of novelty.”
“I’ve never had that kind of intimacy with someone of my choosing.And I choose you.”
“Even though the entire world, you included, has told me how ugly I am?”
“And I’m still a brown little twig.”
“I like brown little twigs.”
