Page 24 of Seducing the Sheriff
“Yeah?” Cash darted his eyes my way before bringing them forward again. “I’m a reader too.” He let out a snort. “Gives me something to do at night when there’s no one around.”
He cleared his throat, and my belly tightened. Should I respond? Had he left me an opening to inquire about his status? I scraped my thumbnail over the opposite one, then quickly stilled my hands. Fidgeting was not a good look. Too bad it was one of my favorite pastimes.
“Is that…” I shifted in my seat again. If I didn’t knock it off, he was going to ask if I needed a potty break. I coughed into my fist. “Uh, a usual thing?”
Cash tilted his head. “Reading?”
He wasn’t going to make this easy. “I meant the alone part.”
Cash paused, and I wished I could take back my words. This was what happened when you didn’t interact with people in a meaningful way for most of your adult life. You were still mentally trapped in high school. I guess Aunt Bonnie was right when she said I should get out more.
Maybe I could still roll back some of the damage. “Never mind. None of my business.”
Cash shook his head. “No, that’s fine. My mind wandered to how I was saved from asking the same thing because I keep barging in unannounced at your place.”
Phew. “Well, I did call you out there originally.”
We both shared an easy laugh, and a potential crisis was averted.
Cash grinned, and I had to admit he seemed relieved as well. “To answer your question, I live alone. I don’t really have any close friends here yet—everyone is pretty much an acquaintance.” He glanced my way. “I’m originally from Albuquerque, and other than a couple of short-term relationships, I’ve been single. Never had any roommates, either.” He gave a one-shouldered shrug. “I like my privacy.”
I nodded. “Sounds like me. Except I’ve never had to worry about roommates or buddies for the most part.”
“Has it been hard?”
I almost choked on my spit until I realized Cash wasn’t referring to my dick.
“You mean not having any friends?” Oof. Did I have to say it like that?
Cash let out a small sigh. “Traveling around so much, not having someplace to call your own?”
I swallowed down a wave of emotion threatening to turn our fun road trip into a therapy session.
“It finally caught up with me.” I reached back in my mind to what had driven me to go it alone initially. “At first, it was great. However, after a couple of years hanging out with the guys on the job, going for beers after work, forcing myself to be social…” I screwed up my nose. “It wasn’t me. Plus, I had zero in common with my co-workers. Beer, babes, and ballgames were all they cared or talked about.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Some of the shit I said to them. I cringe remembering their expressions, as if I were one of the Roswell aliens that had crash landed in their favorite bar.”
Cash chuckled. “Come on. It couldn’t have been that bad.”
I let out an inelegant snort. “Trust me. Try explaining to a group of hyper-hetero construction workers why a queer foreign indie film was snubbed when it didn’t make the Oscar list. Or asking if anyone was interested in taking a day trip to a Native American art exhibition in Phoenix.” I rolled my eyes. “That one actually caused one of the younger guys to burst into laughter. Usually, they were all pretty good at keeping the mocking to a minimum.”
Cash made a low whistle. “Ouch. If it’s any consolation, I would’ve loved to take a day trip like that with you.”
With a surprise burst of bravery, I responded, “The next time something comes along, I’ll take you up on that.”
My cheeks heated a tad, but it was so worth it from the smile Cash radiated back at me.
Cash’s smile turned into a grin. “Sounds like a plan. So, I take it that after all that, anything that involved working solo became your preferred career choice?”
“Exactly. Traveling around, seeing all the art exhibits I wanted, hunting down out-of-print books on local history, exploring the countryside, and doing whatever I pleased when I pleased was incredible. Plus, there was my dad back at home base. We might not have been on the same wavelength at times, but he wasn’t anywhere near as out of touch with me as my co-workers were.”
“And no boyfriends,” said Cash.
My shoulders slumped. Speaking aloud what I’d kept buried in my thoughts while moving relentlessly forward, never stopping, never catching my breath—the truth of the past two decades of my life came crashing down on me.
“No boyfriends.”
My morning coffee and muffin that we’d grabbed on the way out of town swam threateningly in my belly. Next time, I’d remember that cream-filled chocolate chip baked goods were probably better saved for dessert rather than breakfast.
