Page 88 of Earth Girls are Easy… To Dominate
Depression is a controlling bitch.
I have struggled for so long and I’m just tired. I don’t want this spiral of shit that keeps me from living. Yet…. Here we are. Watching my life through a lens that reminds me of some horrible reality show that has no ending.
They say the world is your oyster, but I’m tired of being ground into the pearl inside of this place. I’ve had enough. I don’t want to do this anymore.
I shake my head against the thoughts as they stray to ending it all. To being left at the end of the frayed rope and hanging on by the threads that can break at a moment’s notice.
“I can’t marry you. I don’t know you.”
Even as I say the words, they seem rotten on my tongue. The last few hours have been amazing. I didn’t even drown in the alcohol like I sometimes will do after going home with some rando. No. I had woken up with energy and happiness.
Then he’d asked me to marry him. Like, who does that shit? I can’t marry him. He isn’t even human.
“Okay. But I think you can. You just need to say yes. Come home with me. If it doesn’t work out for you, then I promise I will bring you back here. Though, once you see the place, you may never want to leave.”
His words entice me even more than I can imagine. Getting off Earth… Living on a new planet… Trying new things… Being fucked by that god like alien… Why am I saying no?
I shake my head and take another bite of whatever the food is that I made. I can’t believe I’m even considering this. I lean my head in my hand with my elbow on the table. The other resting on my fork. At least there are forks on this distant planet.
I can’t even argue with myself anymore. I’m so torn between leaving all this shit behind and never leaving. We are born and raised to love America and the shit that comes with it, but why? Why is it important that we love this place when it clearly doesn’t give a shit about us?
“I have to go.”
I push away from the table and take my bowl to the sink. I need to meet with my friends before they send out a search party. I’ve never missed a morning yet and I won’t start now. I could use a shower and some clean clothes.
“What do you mean that you have to go? Where are you going?”
“I have to be somewhere.”
“Can I come? Will you come back? Will you at least think about my offer?”
I freeze in the doorway. What do I tell this alien man who has done nothing but treat me with respect and kindness? He wants me to just go against everything in me and accept his offer, but I can’t. I just can’t. Why? Well, fuck if I know, but I know that I can’t. I shake my head no.
“I don’t know how to answer any of those, but you can’t go with me.”
I leave the room to find my clothes and do my usual morning walk of shame to meet with my friends. I feel better now that I’ve eaten. The alcohol is no longer heavy on my stomach. Even if it was, I’d still get dressed and walk into the place like nothing happened. Because it’s what I do. It’s what my friends expect of me. They are just trying to make sure I didn’t off myself overnight or that someone else didn’t do the pleasure for me.
Too bad this alien didn’t eat me for breakfast. At least then I could escape the monotony of the usual after club meet ups.
I sit at the table while everyone else eats their food and I nurse my coffee with both hands wrapped around the warm cup. The hangover is hell this morning, but my mind only wants to stray back to last night and Drainok. What a hell of a name. He sounds like some kind of drain unclogging chemical.
“What has you smiling this morning, Zahra?” Louisa asks me from across the table.
“Nothing. Just something I thought about from last night.”
I didn’t even realize I was smiling. It’s been so long since everything has been care free. My mind is doing well to avoid the pitch black void that happens to me on the daily. Especially when I have to socialize with anyone, especially my friends. Harder to hide the struggles with them because they know me too well.
“Oh! Hot guy from last night?” Rayne asks.
“What? No. Definitely nothing like that.”
The lie leaves my lips, but I know it sounds strained. Like, why is it I feel the need to hide this man from them? Nothing I did was out of the ordinary for me. So why does it feel like I should fill the world with useless lies about what happened and where I was?
“Then what happened to make you actually smile for once?” Lillian asks.
It feels like an accusation. The fact that I hardly smile. So when the rare one happens, then it is suddenly a big deal, I guess. I get it, but fuck, the third degree isn’t what I expected this morning. They usually leave me alone and just eat in silence as we nurse a hangover from the night before.
“I went home with someone. It’s not what you think, but the sex was good at least.”
