Page 6 of Sinful Need
“Nothing. I’m just overwhelmed. I wish my parents were here to celebrate with me.” It’s not entirely a lie. I miss them dearly. The thought of them not being here to celebrate life's milestones with me hits hard. I wasn’t supposed to navigate this world without them. A lot of this life isn't how it was supposed to be.
“I wish they were too,” Storm sets me down.
“You still have us.” Jase shifts his feet like he does when he’s nervous. It’s one of his many quirks I love about him.
“I’ll take you two clowns any day.” I playfully swat at them. “What should we do without the overlords?”
A look passes between Storm and Jase. The two have become as thick as thieves, sneaking off to work on my father’s bike and teaching Jase to ride. Spending every waking hour together has tightened their friendship in ways that sometimesmakes me feel like an outsider. “You’ll find out soon enough but first we have a clubhouse to clean. Catch ya later.”
“Later.”
When I’m alone again, I fumble with the door handle and push my way into my room, slamming the door closed behind me. I twist the lock and tug at the door to ensure its secure. Although it would take more than a locked bedroom door to keep Hawk out if he wanted in. I drag my desk chair over and prop it up under the door handle, letting myself be deceived by the illusion of security. Stripping off my clothes, I ball up my favorite pair of shorts and underwear and toss them into the trash can next to my desk. I’d never be able to wear them again without this memory.
I considered staying in the group home this time but what would have been the point. A few weeks and they’d turn me out and I’d end up right back here anyways. I don’t know any other way of life and my grades were never worthy of a college scholarship. I let out a heavy sigh. I’ll never get out of here. This is my life.
Stepping into the shower, I let the hot water burn away Hawk’s touch. The tears fall, mixing with the water that runs over me. Tonight, I become the property of Hawk, a man old enough to be my father and an absolute asshole. I detest every second of it. I always knew I’d end up a biker’s old lady but I didn’t think it would be Hawk’s. Even if I try to fight him, he’ll win. He always does. He’ll lock me away until I wither into nothing. My fate is inevitable, but I still have one last day before my world gets turned upside down and I won’t let Hawk steal this day from me too. I have to keep it together. Cry with a smile. Storm and Jase have planned something special for me and I won’t take that away from them either.
Stepping out of the shower, my hair sticks to the back of my neck in a knot of wet tangles. I take a long look at myselfin the mirror over the bathroom sink, my eyes are puffy from crying and I can’t stop my body from shaking. Today I turn eighteen, it should be a day of celebration but now all it’ll ever be is the day I turned the age of consent. I will never give it to Hawk, willingly.
Jase on the other hand… His face comes to the forefront of my mind like it does so often. There’s something about Jase that draws me to him. I spotted it the first night we met up on that rooftop. His untapped potential is there festering under the layers of heartache that consumes him. Someday he’s going to be something great. I just know it. My thoughts drift to the race yesterday. Something came alive in Jase on that bike. I couldn’t see his face but I could tell in his posture and the way he rode. It was like he was being guided by something, or someone if I let myself think that way. I think my father would have liked Jase. He was great at seeing what lies deep within someone’s soul and Jase has something. I just know it and someday, he will too.
After styling my hair, I apply some make-up, simple and natural, the way I like it with a touch of color. I pop the top off the lipstick tube and apply the deepest shade of red. The color of rebellion and freedom. The irony isn’t lost on me. Lifting this lipstick from the drug store in town landed me in the hot seat with the police and turned over to CPS. If it wasn’t for this lipstick, I would never have met Jase.
The rumble of engines fill the air as the Club rides out, leaving us on our own. I take one last look in the mirror before heading out of the bathroom and get dressed. This time I chose an outfit that covers more of my body. A pair of tattered blue jeans and a tight, long sleeve, black shirt.
Making my way to the common room, I find Jase, Storm and the two other prospects cleaning and scrubbing. There’s no such thing as a day off as a prospect. I roll up my sleeves and pitch in. When the last of the mundane chores are done, Stormslings himself over the top of the bar and grabs five beers from the cooler. Slinging them across the bar, the other prospects and I all take one. Twisting the top, I raise the bottle to my lips. The cold, slightly bitter liquid washes over my tongue, and I can’t help but wrinkle my nose in surprise. I try to pretend I like it, but I can’t hide the grimace that escapes.
“Follow me.” Storm waves his hand in the air and the four of us follow him. My feet slow as I approach the door to Church. Women aren’t allowed in here, no matter who they are.
“No one’s here, Rayne, but us. It’s ok.” Storm soothes my discomfort and I cross the threshold into the massive room. There’s a long table in the middle and ten chairs surrounding it. Storm takes the seat at the farthest end, where I assume Hawk sits. A heaviness tugs at my heart. It’s where my father sat. Storm motions for Jase to sit next to him and the other two prospects fill in around them. When Storm picks up the gavel and slams it on the table, my heart thuds hard against my chest, but I take an open seat. Watching Storm sitting in the President’s seat and holding the gavel eases the sadness. He looks good there. It’s where he’s meant to be and someday I know he’ll get the chance for real.
“Today is our girl’s birthday and we have four or five hours to do whatever the hell we want.” Jase and the other prospects whistle and bang on the table, not caring one bit what would happen if Hawk finds out they were in here. “What does the birthday girl want to do?”
Besides pretending every day could be yesterday? I smile at them, “I want to dance.”
“Then we dance.” Storm slams the gavel on the table calling our pretend meeting to an end and we slip back out into the common room.
Jase drapes his arm around my shoulder, “Dance with me?”
Someone turns the music on and someone else passes around another round of beers.
“Of course.” The music beckons, and I surrender to its rhythm with Jase’s hand wrapped around my waist. There’s a flutter in my chest and I don’t bother to hide the smile that breaks free. My heart races with a mixture of joy and nervous excitement. There’s a numbing sensation from the alcohol coursing through my body and it’s absolutely perfect. Thanks to Storm and Jase, I forget about the harsh reality waiting for me, and it feels like I’m dancing on clouds.
For the next few hours, it's just us, laughter and music filling the air, and we cut loose like young adults and not property of the club. We dance and joke and drink the worries of the world away. It’s as if we’re clinging to this fleeting moment of freedom. I let loose, laughing until my sides ache.
As the sun dips below the horizon, the roar of motorcycles in the distance sends a shiver down my spine. The party is over, and I’m about to face a reality I’m dreading.
The music comes to an abrupt halt and we scramble to clean up the mess we made before we’re caught. Jase and I collect the empty beer bottles and discard them in the trash.
“Give me that and get out of here.” Storm takes the trash bag from Jase’s hand. “Her night’s not over. I’ll cover for you.”
“Thanks Storm.” I kiss his forehead and grab Jase by the hand. It might be reckless of us but right now neither of us seem to care.
“Where are we going?” Jase asks following me out the back of the clubhouse.
“My secret spot. Hawk won’t find us there.” I lead him to the farthest end of the building and climb up the discreet footholds set into the adobe walls, almost like a hidden staircase.
Tucking my knees to my chest, I settle down on the flat rooftop concealed behind the cornice edging. The rumble ofmotorcycles quiet one by one replaced by loud voices but I take comfort knowing we’re hidden from the club members down below.
