Page 84 of Forever Flames: Padraig & Stevie
I glance over, surprised. Saoirse never confides in me about Ma and Da like this.
“Seeing hows he’s on the other side, doing better…” She shakes her head. “I suppose she and you are a lot alike. Rory’s her person. Always has been from the day and hour she met him.”
Huh. Frankly, I’ve never thought about my parents as two people in love, though I’ve often wondered how Ma chose to stick by Da when it nearly broke her.
“Their kind of love is rare,” Saoirse adds, holding my gaze. “It can wreck you when it’s gone.”
“I had it and I let her down. When she left, I didn’t fight for her.” I choke up. “She walked away because I didn’t give her a reason to stay after I fucked up so badly. Now I know, I’m never going to find what we had again.”
“Padraig, you two were babies. I know it seems like you lost a future you thought you’d have, which is a grief all its own.” She pats my cheek. “But, remember she never wanted to be part of the band lifestyle. You’re a young man. Don’t give up on having a family if it’s what you want. Life doesn’t wait. There’s someone out there who’ll want to be your true partner if you give it half a chance. Learn from your mistake.”
“How?” I blink at her.
She leans forward slightly. “Don’t stay stuck in this cycle forever. You’ve been carrying this melancholy boo-hoo shite around for years. You’ve distracted yourself by pouring yourself into the band and Liam to numb your pain. Now you’re alone and you’re hurting. That’s no way to live.”
“I can’t seem to move past it.” I stare at the wall, a half-painted stripe blurring in my vision.
“It’s long past time for you to figure it out.”
Her words settle deep in the part of me I keep locked away.
Because she’s right.
The cost of stagnation is becoming unbearable.
We finish priming the room and spend the rest of the day moving furniture, clearing out the loft above the garage, andsetting up guest rooms. Saoirse gives me space to think about everything we discussed and I’m grateful to have physical labor as a distraction to help me work through it.
I’ve spent years pretending I’ve gotten over Stevie. Pretending I’ve buried the grief. Though he remained notoriously tight-lipped, I’m pretty sure Liam’s urgent need to visit Dublin was to look up Linus.
God willing, they’ll reconnect and at least one of us will have a fulfilling relationship.
Then, maybe, he won’t rely on me so much for emotional support and I’ll be able to be fully honest with myself—and him.
I want something more than this life. I do want to meet someone. Build my own family.
Have something real again.
The question is, am I brave enough to go after it?
twenty-four
Stevie
Eight Months Later
TheSUVdoorswingsopen. The five of us spill into the driveway, a tangle of limbs, bags, and leftover snack wrappers.
Isla hops out first, clutching the gift bag she decorated herself, peeking inside to make sure nothing moved during the drive.
“Careful,” I warn, ducking into the car to unbuckle Jude from his seat. “No running up the steps, okay? We don’t need another scraped knee.”
She sticks her tongue through the space where her front tooth is missing. “It wasn’t a big deal.”
“I beg to differ. You screamed the whole way to urgent care.” I lift Jude out and place him carefully onto my hip.
“I’m hot,” Lila whines from the other side of the backseat.
“Me too,” Isla adds, already bouncing on her toes.
