Page 40 of Forever Flames: Padraig & Stevie
His head lifts and I can’t bear the look of devastation in his eyes.
“Padraig. I’ve helped in every way I know how. I’ve kept it going when neither of you could be bothered. I’ve managed shows, schedules, equipment, media, drama.” My voice trembles. “I’m proud of what I’ve helped you build. I really am. But lately…”
He shakes his head. “Spit it out. What?”
“I don’t recognize it anymore.”
He stiffens. “Because of your stupid beef with Felicity.”
“I don’t have a beef with her, for fuck’s sake. I don’t care enough. But, your comment about her is part of it,” I admit. “I don’t think she’s a good fit. Neither does Liam. You and Linus are her cheerleaders and weirdly protect her. You’ve created a monster.”
Padraig scoffs. “We wouldn’t be anywhere without her.”
His words are a dagger.
“She’s a distraction,” I shoot back. “You can’t see the forest for the trees. Liam only tolerates her because of you. She’s spiraling because he’s with Linus. You’re so scared she’s gonna quit, you prop her up like the whole band hinges on her well-being. Don’t be naive. With me out of the picture, you’ll be her next obsession.”
“You’re wrong. She’s crucial to the success of this band.”
I grit my teeth. “For fuck’s sake, she’s not irreplaceable.”
“She’s fragile, Stevie.” He sighs.
“She’s manipulative.”
He blinks. “That’s not fair.”
“She clings to some fantasy Liam will ditch Linus and suddenly give her what he never promised. The woman barely acknowledges I exist anymore.” I point at him. “Even worse, she leans on you like you’re her only friend. Why do you coddle her?”
He doesn’t answer. Same argument. Different day.
I grab his hand and tug him down into bed. “Babe, you can’t see what this is doing to you. You’re emotionally carrying everything and everyone. For the longest time, the band was everything to Liam so you stuck with it. Now he has Linus. You’re twenty-one. Is this really your dream too?”
“It is.” He juts out his chin defiantly.
“Are you sure?” I gesture to a half-finished art piece taking up nearly an entire wall.
His shoulders sag, like I pulled the last string holding him up.
I don’t want to hurt him. I love him. God, I love him so much it aches in my ribs. But I’m exhausted pretending I don’t see what’s happening.
“I’m going because it’s what I want for my future career. Don’t I deserve to pursue something too?” I nestle under his arm.
He doesn’t speak for a long time.
“Okay.”
I wait, but he doesn’t say more.
“Okay?” I ask, wary.
“You want honesty?” he says, resigned. “I wish you’d stay. I wish we could spend the summer the way we planned. I’m not going to ask you to choose the band over your own career…” He pauses. “Even if I’m scared you’ll come back and want to ditch me.”
My throat goes tight. “You’re nuts. I don’t want a life without you. You’re my beginning, middle, and end game.”
“I’m only upset because you didn’t have to keep it from me.” He looks at me now. “I wish you’d have told me first, so I could have processed it.”
My eyes sting because I’ve told him so many times and it’s clear he hasn’t listened. Now’s not the time to get defensive. It’s time to apologize and make up. “Babe, I’m so sorry. I fucked up. I never want to disappoint you.”
