Page 104 of Forever Flames: Padraig & Stevie
The silence between us grows heavier. I reach for her hand, and she lets me take it.
I want to say I’m fine. Tell her none of it matters. Promise her all is forgiven.
I don’t.
Because it’s not fine. And pretending it is would break something between us neither of us could ever fix.
I look at Rafferty’s face, his mouth slack in a dream I hope is peaceful. None of this is his fault. He didn’t ask to be born into uncertainty. He deserves better than a father stuck in his own head. And a mother who’s guilt won’t let her heal to be there for him.
Somehow, in this moment, I understand with perfect clarity Mara didn’t do this out of malice. She’s not cruel. She’s not careless.
She was desperate.
I’ve breadcrumbed her for fucking years. Gave her pieces of myself but never the whole. I let her believe in a future when I didn’t have the guts to tell her otherwise. I reassured her because I couldn’t bear to be alone.
I fucked her and thought of someone else.
So no. I don’t condone what she did. I’m no better, so there’s no room to judge. There’s no point. We’re in this now.
“I’m not happy you lied,” I murmur quietly. “It’s not something I can pretend is okay.”
Her breath catches. She nods, barely.
“What you overheard was really how I felt,” I admit. “I’m not able to give you forever on a romantic level.”
She doesn’t speak. Doesn’t look away.
“But, Rafferty’s here. He’s our son. And he’s perfect.” I choke back the tears.
She bites her lip and presses a hand over her stomach, like her body remembers carrying him.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I add. “Not while you’re healing. Not while we’re figuring this out.”
My fingers graze the soft skin of Rafferty’s back. He shifts, lets out a squeaky sigh.
“We’ll find a way forward. For him.”
Her chin trembles, but she holds it together.
I lean in, press my lips to her temple.
“He’s going to know love,” I whisper. “Even if we’re working out what our relationship looks like.”
I mean it.
Somehow, despite this news, everything suddenly makes sense.
For better or worse, we’re a family.
thirty
Stevie
Six Months Later
Idon’tcrywhenI open the envelope from the insurance company.
Instead, I read every line. Twice.
