Page 76 of Forever Flames: Padraig & Stevie
“What?” His whole body tenses as he slips from my body. “No. Please don’t say it. You know how good it is with us.”
“It is,” I whisper, agonized for leading him on like this. “Being with you like this feels incredible, but it pulls us backward. We’ve been broken up for over a year, Padraig. We can’t fall into the past because it’s easy.”
He flinches like I’ve struck him. “Why not? We belong together. You’re the only person I want. I’ve tried and I can’t live without you. Don’t you understand what this means?”
I thread our fingers together and squeeze gently to try to ease what I’m about to say. “You can and do live without me. We’ve built lives apart from each other and if you left Fireball and Liam right now what would you do? What would he do? You’d be in New York wondering why you didn’t see it through. Besides, I’m happy here. I’m enjoying my life. There’s no going back to how it used to be with us.”
“You’re wrong, we can figure it out. I’ll leave Fireball tonight if you’d give us another shot.” His desperation kills me. “You’re more important to me than anything, baby. We belong together.”
“I don’t believe we do. At least for now.” I shake my head, tears sliding down my cheeks. “Do you know what I think? You diminish how much the band means to you to try and appease me. The reason I didn’t tell you whether I was coming tonight is so I could see you play when you didn’t know I was watching. It told me everything. You belong on stage with Liam. Please don’t try to make your own dreams smaller because they don’t align with mine.”
“I’m not.” His hands tremble as he grips mine tighter. “You’re my only dream.”
My heart shatters hearing him say this, but I force out the words he needs to hear. “I love you. I always will. But, I don’t want to get back together with you.”
“Even after what we just did?” He stares at me, raw and disbelieving.
“Yes. I’m choosing to move forward without you,” I sob. “You need to do the same. Even if it hurts.”
His face contorts with sorrow. “I’llneverbe able to move forward without you. Or stop loving you.”
“I’ll never stop loving you either.” I sit up and pull the sheets around me in a flood of tears. “You deserve to be with someonewho can fully embrace your life. I wanted it to be me, but it’s not. The perfect person is out there for you.”
He blinks hard, tears brimming but refusing to fall. “Is this because of him?”
“Maybe. Cooper and I are only friends. He went through a bad breakup too. We’re both processing our situations.” I swallow, guilt slicing through me. “We’re not official, but I want to be. Me being here with you, it’s not fair to either you or him. Tonight I’ve been selfish. I’m so sorry for confusing things. I didn’t mean to lead you on.”
The hurt in his eyes nearly undoes me. “I can’t believe this.”
“Padraig, try to see it from my perspective.” I try to soften the blow. “I want a life where I can put down roots. I want to have kids and make a family with a husband who’s there doing it with me. For the next few years, you’ll be gone most of the time touring, living a rockstar life with Liam. For the first time, neither of you are relying on me or Linus for the basics and it shows. Onstage, you’re both more invested. Dedicated. Your new singer is a breath of fresh air. She’s not dragging you down. Face it, you guys are going places and I won’t be the person who keeps you from it.”
He buries his face in his hands, shoulders shaking. “No. This can’t be happening. I don’t want to wake up without you. I don’t want to go to bed knowing someone else might be holding you. I can’t bear to think you’d marry someone other than me. We’re supposed to be forever flames.”
“We always will be. The time we’ve had together can never be repeated. We were each other’s firsts on so many things. Nothing will change what we’ve meant to each other.” I take a deep breath. “At the same time, we’re not those kids anymore. We need to cut this off. Not talk for a while. Let ourselves heal.” I lean forward and kiss his knuckles.
He searches my face. “You really believe that?”
“I do,” I say, even though my trembling voice gives away my uncertainty.
I need to be strong for him. For us.
Padraig nods once, silent. The room feels impossibly small, filled with the weight of everything we can’t change.
I brush his hair from his forehead, memorizing the way he looks in this moment. Wrecked and beautiful and mine, even as I let him go. “Goodbye, Padraig.”
Tears fill his eyes, but no words come while I dress.
I need to get outta here before I lose my resolve.
I’ll love him until the day I die.
I burst into tears when the door clicks closed behind me.
The end of our final chapter.
twenty-one
Padraig
