Page 71 of Forever Flames: Padraig & Stevie
We walk in quiet peace as the city bustles around us.
For the first time, maybe ever, I consider what it would be like to love someone other than Padraig.
I can’t help but wonder if my heart has room for something new.
nineteen
Padraig
Four Months Later
NewYorkCity.
Fuck.
The Bitter End is smaller than I pictured. Dark-red brick walls. Decades of graffiti and band stickers layered over the old plaster. Why does every rock club seem to have low ceilings strung with twinkling lights? At least this place smells faintly of fresh paintand coffee from the café next door instead of the stale dive-bar stench at most venues.
We’re in the middle of runningSinners’ Grace, a song everyone’s been playing on repeat for months. The one paying the rent right now. My sticks hit the snare sharp and clean in an attempt to keep pace with Liam’s guitar.
Arleigh steps up to the mic with an effortless poise. She’s small and pale as porcelain with a sharp, androgynous beauty. Black pixie cut with heavy liner smudged around piercing gray eyes. She doesn’t bring the drama Felicity thrived on. Doesn’t have a ton of complicated baggage. Arleigh shows up, does the work, and leaves us space to breathe.
She joined the band a few weeks after we moved back to Seattle. With Felicity, Stevie and Linus gone, Liam and I knew we couldn’t stay in Pullman, not with the ghosts in the house and the band stuck in neutral. We found Arleigh a few weeks later and, for the first time in years, Fireball feels lighter. Cleaner. Fun.
We finish the last chorus. Liam bends over his pedalboard, letting the guitar wail one last time before cutting it off. He straightens, sweeps his hair out of his eyes, and shoots me a look.
“You’re tight on the fills.” He sets his guitar on its stand.
“Yeah, I know.” I lay my sticks on the snare and join him at the front of the stage.
Arleigh stretches out her neck and steps off the riser, glancing at me as she passes. “Don’t worry. Crowd’s gonna love it tonight.” She flashes a polite smile and disappears backstage, probably to warm up.
Liam sits on the edge of the stage and pats the space next to him, forearms braced on his knees. “Dar, I know you’re wound up.”
I plop down next to him. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine.” He squints, reading me the way only he can. “She’s coming tonight, yeah?”
I glance at the side door, where bartender guys are loading in kegs of beer. “Honestly? I don’t know.”
“You talk to her?”
“Aye.” I nod. “Said I’d love to see her. Told her I’d put her plus one on the list. She didn’t commit.”
Liam doesn’t have to say it out loud. I know she hangs out a lot with the guy from work. Cooper. She doesn’t call him her boyfriend but, by the way she avoids talking about him, I can read between the lines.
“Rough.” He leans back on his arms and stretches out his neck.
“Excruciating.”
We sit in silence, the sounds of the staff getting ready for the evening fill the room.
Liam nudges my boot with his. “Kills you, doesn’t it?”
“Fuck, yeah.” I swallow hard. “Every day without her.”
He exhales through his nose. “Linus and I…” He shakes his head. “It’s the same. He’s back in Dublin, I can feel him moving on. I hate it. I want him happy, but I wish it could be together. Honestly, what I want really doesn’t exist.”
“You mean bringing in a woman?” I ask tentatively because even though it’s me, Liam doesn’t open up on this topic much.
