Page 55 of Forever Flames: Padraig & Stevie
“It does. You aren’t seeing it from my perspective.”
His hand slips from mine and curls into the sheets. “No, how can I? It’s not what I want and I’m not going to pretend I’m okay being without you. .”
“I don’t want us to be apart either.” I lean back against the wall. “At the same time, I’ve been telling you for years I don’t want to be on the road and tour. It’s not the life for me. Doesn’t mean it’s not the life for you.”
“What about our promise to each other?” He punches the mattress. “Forever flames. Now you’re taking it away.”
“We’re not kids anymore.” I fold my arms across my chest. “You need to figure out what you want without me up in your grill every single day. For example, whatever happened to your art? You haven’t picked up a brush in easily two years. If you were to say to me, ‘Stevie, I want to leave Fireball because I miss art and I want to study in New York, here’s where I plan to take classes.’ Then I’d be psyched for you to come with me.”
He exhales sharply. “Why does it seem like you’re making the choice for me?”
“God. You’re not listening.” I squeeze my eyes shut in frustration. “I want you to figure out if you’re staying in Fireball because it’s your passion or because you’re afraid to disappoint Liam. Because you have me as a safety net, you’re no further along figuring it out than when we started college. What doyouwant to do with your future.”
He says nothing.
“Figure out what your own goals are. For yourself. Without trying to appease me. Or him. Or anyone.” I’m trying so hard to get through to the person I love most in the world and I’m watching him shut down.
“I told you.” His voice is hoarse. “I want you.”
“You have me. Me taking a dream job doesn’t change anything other than we won’t be in each other’s pockets every minute of the day.” I pull him into my arms.
He squeezes me closer.
I stroke his back. “Get it through your thick skull. We’re not breaking up. We’re changing the shape of what our relationship looks like. Give ourselves some time to grow up a little. We’ll text. We’ll visit. We’ll have video sex. We’re gonna keep loving each other through this transition.”
He pulls back and studies me like he’s memorizing the lines of my face. “Do you really believe we’ll be okay?”
“I do.” I nod, kissing his chin. “More than okay. We’re gonna become who we’re meant to be. And then we’ll be together again—stronger, clearer.”
Padraig closes his eyes. “I hate it.”
“Don’t. We’ll come back together. Not as two kids trying to figure it out, but two adults choosing each other.”
His eyes pop open. “Promise?”
“I swear.”
He wraps his arms around me like he’s never letting go.
And the truth is, he’s not. Even if we’re not under the same roof or sharing the same bed.
By taking time apart, our love isn’t leaving.
It’s becoming.
fifteen
Padraig
Six months Later
Iknowtherhythmof this block now.
The clang of delivery trucks, the morning rush of kids dragging backpacks too big for their shoulders.
It’s mid-December in New York and the wind cuts sharp down these avenues, rattling scaffolding and carrying the burnt-nut smell from the food cart on the corner.
Stevie’s ancient building’s walk-up is always too warm. I’ve learned which stair creaks and how her lock needs a jiggle. Most nights, I get in before her.
