Page 54 of Forever Flames: Padraig & Stevie
“Then why—”
I cut him off. “If we don’t stretch on our own, we’ll shrink what we could be together.”
My words sink in. Slowly. Like a tide rolling out and taking every bit of steadiness with it.
I sit up, drag the sheet around me, and rest my elbows on my knees. “We’ve been joined at the hip since we were kids. We fell in love and by seventeen we were as serious as a married couple.Padraig. This opportunity is important to me. For the first time in my life, I have something that’smine. I’m excited and I can’t even talk to you about it because you brush it under the rug. Or change the subject. This isn’t how we are or how I want us to be.”
“Fine. It fucking scares me.” Padraig raises his voice. “I can’t live without you, don’t you understand? When you were in Switzerland, it was the worst six months of my life. You have no idea what I had to—”
“I know you’re angry.” I interrupt by taking his hand. “You’re disappointed I’m not helping with the band. We can talk about all of this.”
He shakes his head. “What’s the point? You’ve made the decision. You have no interest anymore.”
“I do and we both know why I backed away.” I squeeze his fingers. “I don’t want to fight about Felicity and my thoughts about her because this is about us. Iwantus. But we’re stuck in limbo and it’s not healthy if we can’t have a simple conversation about our future.”
His voice cracks. “Fuck it. The band can go on without me. I’ll move with you. We can figure it out together.”
“Babe.” I hold his gaze. “You don’t even know what moving forward looks like right now other than Fireball.”
He starts to object, but I shake my head. “Over the past couple of years, I’m watching you shrink. Where is the opinionated, take-no-prisoners boy who went after what he wanted? You’ve been going through the motions like you’re waiting for permission to speak. With Fireball, everything you do is about appeasing Felicity. You’re losing yourself.”
He swallows hard.
“You used to have a strong point of view. You fought for songs, for the sound. Now you go along with this toxic situation the band finds itself in. Both Liam and Linus want to make a change and you’re fighting it like you’re afraid of blowing everything up.And now you say you’ll leave it all behind to move with me to New York? Make it make sense.”
I watch him wrestle with my words, but I keep going because this tough love is a long time coming. “I think you can’t bear to disappoint the people who matter to you and it’s preventing you from speaking your own truth It kills me. You’re only disappointing yourself.”
“No, you actually don’t get it.” He sucks in his lips. “The only thing I’m scared of losing is…”
My breath catches.
“You.”
His fingers haven’t let go of mine.
“We’renotbreaking up,” I whisper.
Padraig glances out the window. “Except, it kinda feels like we are.”
“You’re not being fair,” I protest. “Moving into a new phase and talking about how we navigate it is not breaking up.”
His voice cracks. “Why can’t you put it off for a year ? Or, say you’re not going.”
I don’t.
I can’t.
I shift to face him fully and grab his other hand. “It’s not cool to make me feel bad for wanting something for myself. You have the band. You have Liam.”
“Of course it’s not cool. I’m being selfish. You don’t think I get it?” He shakes his head glumly.
“No.” I lean my head on his shoulder. “I think you do.”
“No shit.”
“I’m not going because I don’t love you. I’m going because I do.” I try to reassure him.
He grunts. “That makes no sense.”
