Page 28 of Forever Flames: Padraig & Stevie
I roll my eyes. “As you said, I’m twenty. Not stupid.”
“No?” He laughs, bitter. “Your priority is her while we’re living on borrowed time.”
Silence stretches out like wire between us.
“You wanna talk life choices? How many people have you fucked this month?” I turn it back on him.
He doesn’t flinch. “Who keeps count? Are you?”
“No. I’m watching you spiral. Men, women, whoever looks at you twice.” I soften my tone because I’m generally worried about my brother’s inability to maintain a relationship. He seems so lost.
“I’m allowed to have fun, why discriminate?”
“Are you?” I place my hand on his shoulder. “Having fun?”
Liam looks out the window. His reflection in the glass doesn’t smile. “I don’t know what the fuck I am. Hell, maybe I’m jealous because it seems like I’m never gonna have a Stevie.”
“You will.” I assure him.
He shakes his head. “Name one person who’d be down to be in an open relationship forever. It doesn’t exist, and probably shouldn’t.”
“You’re in bum-fuck Pullman. You haven’t even explored the possibility. You aren’t the only person in the world who’s bisexual.” I try to give him something steadier to hold on to, though I know this nontraditional road isn’t going to be easy.
“I already know the answer. Casual sex is the only way I can satisfy my cravings.”
Fuck. I reach over, knock my knuckles against his leg. “You’re the coolest, most talented guy in the family. Not bad looking, if I do say so myself. Have some patience.”
“Says the gentle soul who found his perfect goddamn future at eight years old.” Liam smiles almost apologetically.
“Fuck off. It was seven.”
He grins, but his eyes are now glassy. “Connor’s the hero. You’re the heart. I’m the freak.”
I stare at him, stunned.
He swallows hard. “You don’t know what it’s like. It’s bad enough watching Da morph from a great man into a zombie. He’d rather be drunk than have a fag for a son.”
I go still. The memory of what happened that afternoon vivid in my mind. I didn’t realize how it felt for Liam to be shamed in front of our entire family.
“Liam…”
“I saw it in his eyes before he…” he whispers. “Like I ruined something sacred. Like I’m the one who made everything collapse.”
I breathe slow. Careful. “You didn’t.”
“He hates me.”
“No,” I say, voice thick. “He hates himself.”
We sit in that truth.
“I need this to feel like I’m worth something.” He curls his lips around his teeth to stop himself from crying.
“I know. We’re doing this. I promise—”
“We’ve got one shot,” he interrupts. “Connor is putting us through school, he gave us the gear, our freedom. We owe it to him…”
“I get it.” I nod vigorously. “I live with the weight of it every goddamn day.”
