Page 109 of Forever Flames: Padraig & Stevie
Connor stands and watches him go, then gestures to me. “Let’s take a walk.”
Dutifully, I follow him out of the studio and up the narrow stairs into Ty’s house. Everything smells like a fine hotel. His wife Zoey’s yoga music pulses from a room down the hall. Somewhere in the backyard, someone’s grilling. Likely their private chef.
Connor opens the fridge, grabs two bottles of Topo Chico, and hands me one. “Talk to me.”
I unscrew the cap. Swig. “Not much to say.”
“You sure?”
My hands curl around the bottle. I stare at the label like it might answer for me.
Connor leans against the counter. His tone stays neutral. “Liam’s been off for days. You’ve barely said a word. Avonna keeps disappearing. Linus won’t make eye contact. I’m not stupid. What the feck is happening? We can’t waste Ty’s time.”
“I’m not wasting anyone’s time. Sounds like you should be giving this little lecture to Liam.” I cross my arms and stand my ground.
“Aye. Fair enough.” He nods. “You and Liam always find a way. You’ve been through worse.”
I meet his eyes. And in the moment, I nearly unload the storm I’ve swallowed since the day Liam decided rules didn’t apply to him anymore. Since I found out about the situation he’s kept hidden and I realized my brother is building on his own terms and I have no one.
For what? A bit of fame?
Instead, I say, “Well, this time it’s more complicated.”
Connor doesn’t push.
I glance out the window toward the sun-drenched patio. “How’s Ronni and the twins?”
“Great. You know how it is with newborns.” He smiles softly at the thought of his own babies, Torin and Tristan, who are a couple months older than Rafferty.
I envy him more than I can admit. He has a partner to go through this parental journey with. The love of his life.
Mara and I are barely surviving. She’s hurting. Hopeful in quiet ways that make me feel guilty, but not enough to give her faith in a future. She’s through the worst of the depression. Her mother’s gone home and we’ve figured out a rhythm, more or less.
But, I see it in her eyes. She wants more than I can give. Love. More kids. White picket fence. Blah. Blah. Blah.
It’s never going to happen because every time I hold my son—my perfect, fragile boy who’s clawed his way into this world and stayed—I experience it all over again.
Boiling anger.
Not at him.Neverhim.
At her. For her lie and the way she forced my hand. I’m trying to forgive her. Trying to move forward.
However, the truth festers.
I won’t let it touch him, though. He’ll never feel like a mistake. Never question if he’s enough.
I’ll make sure of it.
Which means I need to be more than a man who lives in regret and bitterness. It’s up to me to be someone he can be proud of. I’ve finally stopped drifting and I’m looking toward a new chapter where I will stand all the way up and live to my full potential.
I drop my bottle in the recycling. “I’ll go back down, I’ve gotta head out soon so if I can lay down some tracks or move this along in some way, I might as well make myself useful.”
Connor watches me go, but he doesn’t follow.
When I return to the studio, Liam and Ty are already reworking the bridge. Avonna’s finally shown up, perched on the stool next to Liam. Linus is back too. Engrossed in his iPad, avoiding any eye contact with me.
I take my seat in the corner. Say nothing. Watch the three of them orbit each other like moons around a hidden sun.
