Page 108 of Forever Flames: Padraig & Stevie
Mothers. Standing. Fighting.
Figuring it out one imperfect breath at a time.
thirty-one
Padraig
A Few Months Later
Thelowhumofthe monitors gives me a headache.
Maybe it’s the smell of burnt coffee. Or the sharp clack of Liam’s boots against the hardwood floor as he paces behind the mic.
In any case, everything’s beginning to grind on me.
My brother is way, way off today. Has been all week.
For the past hour, Tyson Rainier, the lead singer of Connor’s band who’s making a name for himself as a Grammy-winning producer, has been trying to coax something real out of him. God bless the man’s patience, but the rawness Liam usually pours into his vocals is missing. Flat. Disaffected.
He’s holding back.
I’m sick of pretending I don’t know why.
Ty waves a hand from the console. “Let’s run it one more time, Liam. Drag the last line, yeah? Let it breathe.”
Liam doesn’t answer. He adjusts his headphones and closes his eyes. His jaw’s clenched. Sweat clings to the collar of his tee. He looks like a coiled spring about to snap.
I slump farther into the studio couch, arms crossed. Why the fuck am I even here today?
Because it’s what I do. Clock the hours. Play the part. Tell myself it’s me holding together the band I’ve bled for. We’ve found success now, so they say.
Truthfully, I’m not needed anymore and my resentment’s at an all-time high. I’m fucking sick of bending so Liam can keep doing whatever the fuck he wants while I’m filled with regret about most of my life choices.
I’m a single father. Living with the woman who trapped me. Pretending the silence between us isn’t a vise around my throat. Years ago, I gave up on the one person who made me feel like I was worth anything. Leaving me here in a constant state of regret.
The thing is, I don’t blame Stevie. I didn’t deserve her. I didn’t fight for us. Or find my own way outside of this band. I could’ve begged her to stay when she left for a life with Cooper, but I let her go and create a family without me. Now he’s dead and I haven’t even sent her a sympathy card.
Stevie is and will always be a ghost I carry through every hour of the day.
My one bright light is Rafferty. I swear I’m giving him everything I have. I’ve never gone all-in at this level before. Not with Stevie. Definitely not with Mara. Not the band. Maybe not even with Liam.
But, Rafferty? I’ll never walk away. Never let him wonder if he’s my first priority.
So I’m here. Fulfilling a commitment. Playing along for this album cycle. I’m gonna show up, smile for the press photos and nod along in the studio. When the royalties roll in, he and I will be set. Maybe not as financially secure as Connor, but I’ll definitely be able to provide him with a comfortable life and my presence on a day-to-day basis.
Until then, if I stop moving, I’ll fall apart.
Connor, misunderstanding my crabby mood, catches my eye from the opposite chair. “He’ll get there.”
I nod once. Then glance at the clock.
Two hours and I can get back to Rafferty.
Liam’s voice crackles through the booth speakers. The chorus crashes in, but the edge is missing. Again.
Ty scrubs his hands down his face. “Break,” he says into the mic. “Five minutes.”
Liam doesn’t argue. He sets the headphones down like they might shatter and steps out of the booth. Doesn’t look at me as he passes.
