Page 21 of Boots, Bucket Lists & Bad Ideas
“No.” Josie screeches, appalled. “You’re thirty, not eighty.”
“I heard that,” Kiwi shouts at us.
Laughter spills out as we lean in, murmuring about how she could’ve possibly heard.
“Mildly unhinged.” Hope takes off the pineapple slice and nibbles on it.
“Horny,” Josie hurls. “The answer is horny. Thirty, flirty, and horny.”
“Eighty-year-olds are horny!” Kiwi shouts back.
“Why? How?” I mouth, and we’re laughing again.
The table comes alive with energy, laughter, and chatter. Hope moves a cowgirl cutout aside for the platter of Pimento cheese dip with crackers and chips that Kiwi slides on the table.
After we’ve stuffed ourselves full, we push the empty plates aside, and Josie announces a surprise.
“Not from us.” Natalie points at our youngest sister. “Don’t drag us into whatever you’ve planned.”
“We said no strippers.” Hannah is full-on mom-facing her right now.
“It’s not strippers.” Josie sounds offended, but also like she might’ve hired a stripper.
I groan. “No. I don’t like surprises, and I guarantee I won’t like one Josie has planned.”
“You’re gonna love this one.” She hands me a wrapped present. “It’s a game.”
I arch an eyebrow. “A game?”
She nods, but her smirk says this isn’t just a game of pin the tail on the donkey.
“Unwrap it.”
“We also agreed you can’t hire a guy to play pin the tail on the dick.” Hope traces slow circles over the swell of her stomach. “I’m a married woman now.”
“Just for the record, I did vote for that game.” Daisy throws back a shot.
“You know what?” Josie glares at everyone. “Y’all made it almost impossible to create a fun game.”
By fun, she means inappropriate and raunchy.
“I figured if real humans weren’t involved, it would be doable.”
“Doable?” Celi quirks an eyebrow.
“Wrong word.” Josie slaps my hand. “Just open your gift.”
I unwrap a book:Mature & Responsible at 30.
“Is this a self-help book?”
“It’s beneficial. Open it.” Josie looks like a kid on Christmas morning.
It makes me nervous.
I sigh and open the book. Inside is hollowed out and holding a dildo. And not just any dildo, but one shaped like an actual penis with veins, head, and even testicles.
The note inside says:Page 30 holds your destiny.
