Page 344 of Boots, Bucket Lists & Bad Ideas
Then why did I push Hart away? Why did I call him a liar?
I should go after him, but instead I bury my face in the horse’s neck.
What the hell would I say to him?
Sorry, I believed my daddy over you.
Sorry, I tore you down to keep the version of my past that made sense.
Lord, what if this is the last time he ever looks at me like that, and I just let him walk away?
I hear boots crunch against the hay, and for a second, I think it’s him.
“I heard you and Hart had words.” My daddy stops at the edge of the pen and leans against the rail.
“Yeah.” My fingers curled into the thick, coarse mane. “He had words.”
“You okay?”
I don’t answer right away.
What do I even say to that?
I’m not okay.
I’m standing here in the dark, having yelled at the one person who loves me, and the one person I love with all my heart. My whole heart. And maybe that’s why I pushed him away. ‘Cause I’m damn good at pushing people away.
“I’m fine.” And here I am, even pushing my daddy away.
Just like I always have. It’s easier to keep everyone at a distance.
We stand there for what feels like forever before my daddy speaks.
“What Hart said about me pushing his father—”
My gaze snaps to his. “How did you know?”
“I didn’t know. All these years,”—he takes a deep, shaky breath—“I had no idea. Calvin just told me.”
“Why? Why would he do that? How does he even know?”
“I reckon Hart had some words with him.”
The more my daddy speaks, the more my insides begin to crumble, fearing what he’s about to admit. Because if he says the words, the truth I don’t think Hart would lie about, then I have to face my truth.
And I’m not ready for that.
He’s quiet for a long minute, and that only deepens my fear.
“I’d never want a kid to bear that weight. To bear my mistake, but that’s what happened, and finding out has nearly gutted me. I understand why you don’t want to believe it. Hell, I don’t want to believe it.”
I hold my breath.
“But what Hart said is true, Jade. I pushed Calvin off that loft.”
The breath slams out of me. Every muscle in my body locks up. My heart seems to stop for a beat, then begins to race in a way that feels like a panic attack.
“I never meant for it to go that far.” My daddy’s voice is steady, but rough around the edges.
